My sponsor yelled at me

She said she can only help me as much as I want to be helped, and I'm not making the program a priority; that I should go back to step one. Interesting. I haven't been to meetings lately because a) I was in a small town up north for a week, b) last night Emily was in town with her baby and I stayed for dinner, missing the 8:30 meeting. Suddenly I don't care about AA?

But she kind of has a point. In my life, my friends and family are more important than me making a meeting. Does that "lead me straight to a drink"? I think God and I are doing just fine going to 3 or 4 meetings a week. I think that's enough to keep me involved in the program. And I have no interest in drinking. I was a little embarrassed around Emily's parents, but I got over it and let them know what was going on. All the people in my life know I'm sober, and I'm happy to be.

So have I stepped away? I think I'm just having trouble with the program as my sponsor sees it. She has me calling every day. I don't even talk to my mom every day. I don't want to talk to her every day. I just call and say "hi, everything's still the same as it was yesterday." How useful is that? I don't know if it is. It's not useful to me. Once a week and seeing her at 3 meetings a week would be just fine, but calling her every day AND seeing her at 3 meetings?

Maybe I'm still hesitant to put both feet into this program. Why? Well, I hate being told what to do, #1, but I think I'm also weary of drinking the "Kool-Aid." I saw how it affected Adam in the beginning, and he was annoying as hell. He also spent all his time and energy on AA, and now only has friends in AA. I don't want to limit myself so much. I want to keep the people I love and not alienate them.

How do I make it right with my sponsor? I need to talk to her about all this. I know she's going to call me a dry drunk and tell me I'm never going to be or stay sober unless I do it whole hog, and maybe I'll just have to tell her I'm not ready yet.