Michael

Michael is trying to "break up" with me again. He says our relationship makes him feel angsty. I can imagine. He wants to be with me, and up until a few weeks ago I thought I was moving back out there. I think we were both thinking we would give it another go and see how things went, and then I got into grad school and decided to stay. He's a little mad about that. And rightfully so. The situation just changed so fast.

But I don't feel guilty. This is what I've always wanted, and now's my chance for it. I feel like I would really regret it if I missed this opportunity. And plus, I don't really care about getting married or having kids. If it happens, cool, if not, whatever. No biggie. I think that's what he really wanted to see happen.

But what can I do?

FML

What in the hell did I sign myself up for? I'm going to be reading and writing for the next few years on theology. This is good, though, cause I was reading it for pleasure anyway. Might as well get graded on it... Right?

But man am I nervous. School is daunting. There's so much to do and so much to prepare for, but I'm not sure what to do next. I need to find housing, but I don't have to cause it's ok if I stay here; I just don't want to. I can't find housing till I get my loan refund, which will be in September.

I'm really nervous about starting work, too. I got a retail job, which is awesome because I get great discounts and it's nice and mindless, but the shock of making $50,000 a year to $9 an hour is amazing. It's kind of an ego blow as well as a pocket blow. I was looking at my resume and I built up from this, and now I'm back? What the hell? I feel almost defeated at the fact that I'm back in retail.

But here I am. A working girl again.

Stressa

Augustine. I know nothing about him, really, except that he was a saint, or is a saint, from the BC era. I know he wrote confessions, because I've heard of them, and I own the book, but I've never read it. And now I need to know Augustine. Shit.

I suppose I have a month before my paper is due, but the syllabus assumes we've read him, or at least know something of him. I need to do some research, apparently. Which is stressing me out. I got one syllabus today and it's just crazy talk.

But I guess this is what grad school is: crazy talk.