Stressa

Augustine. I know nothing about him, really, except that he was a saint, or is a saint, from the BC era. I know he wrote confessions, because I've heard of them, and I own the book, but I've never read it. And now I need to know Augustine. Shit.

I suppose I have a month before my paper is due, but the syllabus assumes we've read him, or at least know something of him. I need to do some research, apparently. Which is stressing me out. I got one syllabus today and it's just crazy talk.

But I guess this is what grad school is: crazy talk.

The return of the GRE

Sigh. Money, admissions, money, unemployment. What else can go wrong today? Don't ask, or something will.

Today I tried to call my grandmother to ask for money, but she fell this morning and I just was worried about her and didn't want to ask.

And then I had a hold on my financial aid at school and it took all day to figure out why, but I've got to retake the GRE cause I was so bad at it. So why did they let me register? Oh yeah, money.

Unemployment hasn't paid me in a month and I called to complain and they blamed it on me for not calling them earlier. Now, they're trying to keep my back pay. They owe me two months of money. I really could use that....

But the good news is I got a part time job. So there's that.

Rant

Sometimes you think that after 15 years in therapy you're over something. Apparently I'm not. After all this stress of getting into grad school, all I've gotten is shit from my family. Nothing but, "This is a bad idea," and "now you'll never get a man." Honestly? I could give a shit about getting a man. And the only reason they see it's a bad idea is that I am going into debt. So then help me!

They all have money, for Christ's sake. My family is by no means poor. But they all said no without me even asking. And that's a slap. I have never asked for anything from them in my life, and all I've done is given. I take their drunken phone calls, I listen to their pity parties. I picked my mother up off the bloodied bathroom floor more times than I can count, and I never asked for a thing in return. And what do I get? Shit from them.

Fuck them. I don't need their help, or support. And the only one who is being logical about all this? Mom. Crazy-ass mom is sitting down with me and going over budgets and thinking about options. Crazy mom offered me her last $200 out of SSI. Like Jennifer pointed out, she owes me at least support.

But I feel like an ass for feeling "owed." I did it all out of love and my own personal need to sacrifice for my family. But why can't they just be supportive?

Um, nevermind

As I was leaving my dad's house I noticed a piece of mail. "When did that come, dad?" "Oh, this morning." Huh. Cause on the front of it, it said I got into grad school. No one thought to tell me?

So, apparently I'm staying put. I'm a grad student, now. Who woulda thunk?