Another day, another bottle

I'm working on being grateful today. I really am grateful that I don't have to drink anymore. It wreaked havoc on my life and made me more depressed than I needed to be. Today, I can go home and not have a bottle of wine instead of dinner - I can eat dinner instead. Today, I can walk right past the liquor store. Today, I can save $23 and stick that last dollar in the basket for AA.

My first drunk. I really don't remember it. I do remember that my parents had liquor in the hall closet near the bathroom. It was up on the top shelf above the coats, and sometimes I would stand on a pile of clothes just to see what was up there. I remember taking some of them down, and I remember opening up the Frangelico. Oh! The smell. It wasn't pleasant, but I distinctly remember the taste of it going down. They were those little bottles you get on airplanes. I finished it.

I remember reaching for the vodka and liking the smell. I took it upstairs with me and would sip on it while doing my homework. I liked the way it burned going down, and how strange it made me feel. It was warm, and funny tasting, but I just kept drinking it. I was probably 10.

Later on, I would take my mom's vodka out of the freezer and add it to my orange juice. I was in my teens by then, but I always loved the taste of vodka. I went to Russia once, and finished two bottles of vodka on my own one night. Honestly, it's a miracle I don't have cirrhosis. Someone today said that coffee cleans the alcohol out of your liver, so hard core coffee drinkers (according to a study by Kaiser) have cleaner livers than other alcoholics. Thank God for that addiction.

I've always been a drinker, and I'll always be an alcoholic. But today, like Cliff says, by the grace of God, I haven't found it necessary to take a drink. One day at a time.