Everything causes me anxiety

Another fun thing that causes me anxiety is hockey. No, not watching hockey, that's fun. Playing hockey.

Since high school I've played field hockey. I'm not that good, which is reason one for anxiety, but I love to play. It's fun standing out there on the field watching the ball and waiting for it to come to you. See, I'm the goalie. Another huge reason for anxiety. I'm the last defense against a goal. My league team is pretty good, and unfortunately I'm the weak link. Sure, I stop a lot of goals, but I'm not as good as the other goalies, and my gear is really old and falling apart. I have to duct tape it to myself to keep it on. And since I lost weight, the pants fall down all the time, and my helmet is too big. So I stand there trying to keep my gear on and out of my eyes while trying to keep the ball from the goal. It is really comical to watch, but scary sometimes to play.

And I think the captain hates me. She's naturally a little brisk, so it might not be me, but I'm so sensitive to any dislike on the field because I know I could be better. I've thought about getting training from another goalie, but I just don't have the time. It's an hour drive down there, and that's enough one time a week.

So I'm off to play hockey and make myself nervous for a few hours.