Big sigh

I'm stressed. My counselor keeps telling me how blessed I am, and I agree. It's true. I have a lot going for me, and apparently 1/3 of young folks are living with their parents because they can't find jobs.

I just really want a place to call home. I still feel like I'm on vacation. I really want something to do during the day, too. I love watching Law & Order, don't get me wrong, but there's something about having a job. It's an identity thing. "What do you do?" I'm unemployed. Sounds crappy. I usually say I got laid off.

I'm working on a pro bono project, which is good. I am talking to someone tomorrow about a part time job, but I'm not sure whether it's worth losing my unemployment for. If it's a year contract, I might do it. It looks like if they pay me at the top of the range, I would be making more than unemployment would pay. Otherwise, it's best to stick with being fed by the state, yes? I would feel so much better supporting myself. I hate being dependent on anyone or anything, like my parents and the state. My counselor, and even my past therapist, told me I need to stop being so hard on myself, but I feel like accepting unemployment would be like cruising through. I want to be able to hold my head high, not feel like a bum. I feel like a bum, now.