A sober mania

I probably won't sleep tonight, and it's my own damn fault. I just had two Red Bulls and am contemplating a third. I know that's pushing it. Caffeine doesn't usually keep me up, but those Red Bulls are different. We've discussed here before how Red Bull and mania seem to follow each other around, and I'm sure I'm not doing good things for my mental health by consuming two.

So, because I'm at increased risk because he upped the Celexa, and now I'm drinking taurine, let's look at the possibility of mania creeping up. What does mania look like? Well, for a lot of people, it's shopping and having sex with strangers and thinking you're the bees knees. Impaired judgment, rapid speech, little sleep, and maybe some irritability. Mania can be fun when you're in it, and can feel great! It's all about excess: moving fast and taking no prisoners.

But what does mania look like in me? I don't know anymore. It used to look like going out and getting drunk, taking someone home with me, exercising like a fiend, cooking in the middle of the night, then getting paranoid and eventually afraid of everything. But what does a sober Anne's mania look like? Will I go back to drinking on impulse? I really have no interest. I know I told you, and myself, that I wasn't going to be an AA sober lady anymore and that after my 1 year in May I wasn't going to forbid myself from drinking, but I don't really have any interest in it yet. I'm perfectly happy being sober.

Will that change if I get manic? Will I pick up cigarettes, too? Will I just impulsively go back to bad behaviors? Or what else can it be? I already shop too much, so we won't be able to identify it there. What other impulsive acts can a sober person do? Travel? My passport expires at the end of the month ($110 to get a new one!) so I can't travel overseas till I get it back. I'm already flying once at the end of the month, but that's been long planned.

Huh. Well, let's hope I don't get manic to begin with.