No, tonight is insomnia night

So I was wrong. Tonight is insomnia night. I got to sleep about midnight last night. I knew I was going to be up tonight because of the amount of caffeine I've inhaled in the past 8 hours, but it really isn't making me shaky or awake. I'm just up because there's so much going on in my head. I want to cry, really. My life is just so....

My life is so not what I pictured it would be at 31. I'm in a holding pattern and I don't see any sign of it stopping anytime soon. I'm just stuck here at dad's with all my stuff in storage, waiting until someone decides to hire me. And am I desperate to take anything, even if I don't think I'll like the job? You bet I am. I'm ready to get the hell out of here. I can always look for another job once I've been in it for a year. I can do anything for a year. But I can't do this.

I don't know how people stay on unemployment for long periods of time. I have a friend who has been on it for 2 years and has filed for bankruptcy twice. I don't want to be him. I'm not to that place, yet, and I have a long way to go before I get there. Thank God for unemployment checks. I don't know what I would do without them. I'm not even going to think about it, because it's just depressing.

What I do know is I'm really lucky to have landed in this halfway house and not be living on the streets. I have family to hold me up and the state to pay my way.