I'm grumpy

It's hard to meet people when you move to a new city. It took me 9 months when I moved to meet a friend, and two years to make good friends. So I'm not expecting miracles here. Plus, there are a lot of extenuating circumstances this time: I'm not leaving the house much because I'm depressed and it's damn cold outside, I don't have a job where I can meet people, and I'm sober. Three strikes, and I get a night like tonight. Not that tonight was bad. It was just... lame?

So there's a great website called Meetup that has all sorts of events on it. I used it last time I moved last time, and got a good connection with the city. I didn't really meet anyone good, but I got to know my town. So I thought I'd try it again. I went out tonight with a group, not expecting anything to come from it but a night out of the house. In that regards, it was successful. So I suppose I have nothing to complain about. But I will, anyway.

We were at a bar, which doesn't bother me (and I got free drinks all night cause diet Coke was on the house!), or at least I didn't think it did. I remember now that, drunk or no drunk, I'm not much of a bar goer. I never went unless Sam was in town or I was going on a first date. They don't bother me, I just haven't been into the bar scene since my early 20s. Now I remember why they bug me: drunk people. I hate obnoxious drunk people.

You would figure in a group of people all in their late 30s/early 40s and in a fancy expensive bar there wouldn't be obnoxious drunk people. But there she was, with us. She was slurring and falling off her chair; jumping in to conversations with loud, odd responses to questions she must have been asking herself (resentment!). At first I was just really embarrassed for her, and thankful I had given up going to bars before I got like that, if I ever got like that. Thank you Lord for making me a home drunk.

Now I'm just grumpy. I suppose being a sober adult I will meet many more people like that; hell, some of them are related to me; but that was my first run-in as a sober person, and it was even more obnoxious than I remember. I can think of all the reasons she would have drunk like that, but then it occurs to me that those are all excuses I used to make for myself, and I don't have to make them for other people. It's just unfortunate.

So I stayed a reasonable amount of time and then bid farewell, only to wait 18 minutes for a metro train and have my iPod die on me. So I'm grumpy, and can't sleep, and have to work at 9am. Sigh.

Decisions, decisions

It's the little things that trip me up. Move back home? Sure. Buy a car? No biggie. But walk or metro? Tough choice. Dress up or dress down? Lord only knows.

I'm going out tonight (that's right, I'm getting out of the house) and meeting new people and I don't know whether to look nice or not. I mean, I am trying to make new friends, but it's not a dress up situation, right? I suppose I shouldn't look like I'm schlepping it. And it's only about 2 miles walk to get there, but it's like 20 degrees out and if I'm going to dress up, I'm going to wear heels. See my conundrum? I suppose it's really one or the other: dress up and metro or dress down and walk. That's better. Now I can just look for inspiration in the closet.

The Red Bull has worn off and so I'm just agitated, not amped. I'm attempting to feed it with diet Coke but I just ran out, so on the way home tonight let's hope the store is open or we're in trouble.

The power of people

Last week I stayed in and watched my show. This week, I spent 2 days with Adam and went to a meeting. Posts last week: 5. Posts in three days: 15. Hm. Interesting that actually having a life gives me something to write about. It makes me feel better to be around people; to interact. The book says something about a 2's worst day (enneagrams again) is being locked up without human contact. I think that's pretty true of me. I need people. My dad is a loner, so he's no good for human contact. Plus he just talks lately about stuff Glen Beck says, and it's driving me nuts.

Anyway, I need to get out of the house more. I signed up for Meetups on meetup.com. It has some neat groups like running groups, coffee, yoga, young professionals, etc. I did one when I moved out to the other coast and met some nice people. I'd like to start meeting nice people again. I need to cultivate relationships so I'm not dependent on the few I have. I need to learn things you can only learn by getting out there and living. So I signed up. Watch me go, she says sarcastically.

And yes, I'm going to go back to going to meetings. I think if only for the getting to know new people thing it's worth it. And the getting the hell out of the house every now and again. It took having to drink a Red Bull to give me the energy, but now I know I can do it. I can function outside of my pajamas. I can put on my big girl pants and get the hell out of bed to do something. I mean, I knew I could, but it's nice to have proof.

Of course, it's 2am and it's not looking like I'm going to bed any time soon. No big deal, since I didn't get out of bed till 4pm today, but it doesn't bode well for getting out of bed tomorrow before 4pm again. I really need to get the sleep thing in order, but as I told my therapist, it's the only time I feel like I'm alone, and I need alone time. Even just sitting in my room all day doesn't give me the alone feeling, because my door is open and my dad comes in and talks to me. But when he's asleep I have time to think; to be alone.

So I'm going to type more tonight, I'm sure.