Speaking makes me nervous

Ben asked me today if I would speak on Tuesday. My sponsor always says you don't say no to a request like that, so I said yes. What in the hell am I going to talk about?

What it was like. I self-medicated. I used booze to make me feel less depressed, to bring down my mania, to feel more like the crowd. I drank everyday, sometimes two bottles a day after work. I showed up to work drunk. I drank and drove. I slept with people I shouldn't have. I made a mess of myself.

What happened. I realized one day I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I realized that I couldn't keep on going like this; that alcohol and drugs really weren't curing anything, they were just making it all worse.

What it's like now. I feel better. My meds are working. My head is clear. Despite what it looks like by how often I post, I'm more productive at work. But I've upped my smoking addiction, which I know I'm powerless over. I've upped my diet Coke intake. But I'm working on it. And the cool thing is? I don't have to drink.