The undercutter

Been working on the resentment list. I think I've gotten all I can think of down on paper. It's interesting, because now when I get upset I tend to think about why I'm getting resentful, and if it's worth my energy to do so.

There's a woman at work who is really smart and good at what she does, and her input is always well thought out, but I hate it. She always seems to have better questions for the boss than I do, and sometimes takes my ideas and expands on them in a way where they sound like her ideas. She usually apologizes or asks if I'm ok with what she's said, but I feel like she's undercutting me. So what's this resentment?

I always worry I'm not smart enough. I think I'm not really a capable person (though this has been disproved many times), and so I worry when others are smarter than I am in some area of my life. It makes me nervous that they're exposing me for the fool. It's the exposure of my soft underbelly.

How do I deal with these feelings? I hide and don't work. I try to ignore work instead. I always get my projects done, and usually early, but I spend as much time as I can avoiding the potential to look like an idiot.

So what can I do about it? What's the character defect I have to work on? Besides my anxiety and low self-esteem, I need to work on not projecting my issues onto other people. I need to learn that being vulnerable is sometimes ok. So I'll ask God to help me with these things, and hope that I can learn to be a stronger person and a better worker.