Heroin is not your friend

Is it weird that I feel most comfortable in a room full of old heroin addicts and cons?

I always wanted to be a heroin addict. It was my goal. I would watch MTV as a kid and think about how cool it would be to be the girl in the Cherry Pie video who was chained up to the fence writhing around like she was on dope. I wanted to be her. I wanted big teased hair and to wear all leather. I wanted to get high. I didn't know anything about it, but I wanted to be high.

I first found marijuana. Gateway drug, whatever, but it was for me. I would smoke pot every day and I loved to smoke it with anything laced on top: crack, heroin, PCP, anything. I loved it laced the most. Pot alone was kinda boring. If I had to smoke just pot, I would light my bowl with my cigarette so at least I was getting something else, too. Even if it was just nicotine.

Tonight a man spoke about his heroin addiction. He had all sorts of horrible times, and now is finally clean and a dad. He's loving his life now. I can't wait till I don't want to be a heroin addict any more. I mean, I don't want to be a... well, I do think about drugs all the time. I love drugs. They make me feel so much better. I think I like drugs more than I like alcohol, but I was never that great about getting them for myself. I always had to have a boyfriend who could get me something, and I was nice enough to share with all my friends.

So yeah, there's still something in me that wants to be a heroin addict. I'm watching the cursor blink at me, and I'm thinking how crazy that statement sounds.