Midtown is not for me

So apparently I have a problem. I have seemed to have fallen into a group that has a bad reputation in the area. I don't like to talk about where I live, but this will give it away.

There's this group within AA here in my city that has been accused of all sorts of stuff like going against AA principles and being cult-like. They've been said to take in young people and use them for money and sex. Some people claim they don't think you're sober if you're on prescription medication. "“They told her that she would not remain sober if she continued taking the medication,” Kate said. “Within three days she had a psychotic episode and was hospitalized again.”" Some say that it "is 'a coercive, cultlike group that uses the trusted AA name to induce young alcoholics into a radical fringe movement that has little resemblance to traditions.'" They've also been said to ostracize other people who don't conform. Interesting, right?

I talked to a friend of mine who I met on the retreat and asked her about this, if she had any first-hand knowledge. (If you looked at the dates, all these articles are from 2007.) And boy did she. Her ex-girlfriend used to be a part of this group, and says it's all true. They eventually ostracized her after she came out, and she avoids them at all costs now. My friend met my sponsor once, and says she's deep in this group. So...

I have a problem. I need to get myself out of this before it turns into something. AA isn't about a social life or working to please other people. AA is a program of we, yes, but it's a program of we only in that it's hard to stay sober without the help of other alcoholics. You can't do it alone, but you can't do it under the thumb of someone else. You've got to do the work yourself.

And to not take prescription meds? That's what keeps me alive. I would be dead if I didn't take my meds. I know it.

I think I'm going to tell my sponsor that I want someone older to sponsor me, which I do. I don't like feeling like I'm being shuttled around to meetings and people's houses. I want my own program, not someone elses.

To tell the truth, hanging out with these kids kinda made me want to drink. I was uncomfortable there, and felt very strange. Time to break free.