I'm so old

It's neat hanging out with a new group of people. You get to watch the dynamics and see who's really ok with whom, and get a feel for the history of the group. Really, hanging out sober is just like hanging out drunk, but without the alcohol. You watch stupid tv, you look up dumb puns on the internet, you eat too much junk food, and laugh a lot. But you're just sober. It takes a lot more energy, and man I'm tired.

It's also interesting. These kids are all five years younger than I am. That's really a huge difference. I was not mature at all at 25. Drinking or not, you grow up a lot in those five years. I kind of feel like the older sister invited to visit her little sister's sorority for the weekend and feeling old. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep up with this and still enjoy it. I like old people. I've always been more comfortable with people older than me.

I'm going to a meeting tonight that has about 400 people. It's in the city, and is probably the largest group. It has a bad reputation with other AA folks, though, according to a Newsweek article Adam read to me last night. I'm going in with an open mind, but if it gets cult-like, I'm outta there.

I like AA. I believe in looking for your spiritual self. I believe in following the steps and listening to those around you who have more sobriety. But I'm not IN this thing for it to become my entire life. I don't only want friends who are in AA. I have a lot of good friends, and I'm not interested in alienating them by drinking the punch. That's the reputation of this group. So we'll see. I'm a little nervous about it.