Let's build somethng together

"What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?" I'm digging these Reverb posts.

You know what I'd like to try? Longevity. Longevity, you say? How odd. Well, I have that impulsivity problem we talked about before. I like to jump from place to place, from thing to thing. I can't seem to stay in a job for more than a year and a half before I just have to get out, and I take the first thing that comes along. I don't wait to see what's coming, I just jump.

So what I want to try is longevity. I would like to make a commitment to my next job, and stay. Stay for maybe 5 years. Stay and grow in a job. Build relationships, and really give it a shot. I would like to move someplace, or even stay here, and stay for another 5 years at least. I would like to maybe get in a relationship that lasts more than a year and a half.

See, that seems to be my breaking point. After a year and a half I get bored with everything and everyone. I need something new, something refreshing. I get too close to people, or they get too close to me, and I have to push them away. I get too settled in a job, and I have to run away. Why am I afraid of commitment?

Wow, I just realized that. I'm afraid of commitment. Huh.

Cut yourself some slack

I've been hearing this a lot lately. "Cut yourself some slack, Anne. You've just taken on something huge. You don't have to have the rest of your life perfect right now. You don't have to know where you're going, just go."

I'm a bit of a perfectionist and an impatient person. I like to get things done. I like to know where I'm going and arrive there with the plan all mapped out. I like to know what's happening before it happens.

But, life gets in the way. I have no control over other people's decisions and moves, and so I have no control over the outcome of life. I just have to remember that things will turn out the way they should, and in their own time.

Perfection is a shooting star. You aim for it, and it burns out before you can focus. It's not something that stays with you. Impatience doesn't get you there any faster.

I believe in dreams. I believe in having visions of the future and reaching for what you want. Maybe I have to slow down and have what I want come to me in it's own good time.