And we're fatter, too

More great news: women with BD had higher levels of fasting plasma insulin (FPI) and fasting plasma glucose (FPG), higher homeostatic assessment of insulin resistance (HOMA-IR) scores, and greater body mass index (BMI), waist circumference (WC), and hip circumference (HC) than control women.

So if you have bipolar disorder you're more likely to get diabetes and be overweight. But wait, aren't those two things often common side effects of drugs for mental illness? So how did they test for whether or not it was the drugs? Could we be just as susceptible as other people and then the drugs bring it on? Do women with bipolar disorder have higher rates of diabetes in their families, especially in untreated relatives? I wonder. So many questions. Sometimes I wish I were a researcher.

Stuffing it down

Feelings suck. My friend is going through a divorce and some other crap, and she's chosen to stuff down her feelings in the shape of a hamburger. Of course, I am easily persuaded to avoid my emotions by eating. So hamburgers it was.

I joined Weight Watchers (again) last year and was able to moderate my eating (too bad you can't do an abstinence program, but I suppose some people do and die, so that would suck). I love food. I love to eat food. I never really know when I'm full. I am also of the belief that everyone has two stomachs - one for food and one for sweets. I like to think that way so I don't have to "save room" for dessert. I can just stuff it into my other stomach. Anyway, I was able to lose 40 pounds.

Now, I fear (fear again!) that I'm just going to replace all the calories from booze with bad for me food (I think I'm going to go get a milkshake after this post). Especially if I quit smoking. Food will be my only crutch left - my only addiction.

I'm basically an addictive person, and an obsessive one. I get hooked onto something and then never let it go. Or I quit for a while and come back. I was super obsessed with running, too, until I had to take a break cause I over trained. When I was a kid I totally expected to be a heroin addict one day. I knew then that my addictive personality would get me.

But I'm going to keep running, and keep on Weight Watchers, and hope that I can control myself. Maybe through my inventory I'll be able to discover what character defects make me so unhappy that I have to feed myself with my addictions; whether that's food, booze, cigarettes, or something else.