Therapy saves my life

"He who thinks much is not suited to be a party member: too soon, he thinks himself through and beyond the party."

I'm following this guy on Twitter who does Nietzsche quotes all day. I liked this one. I have trouble being in any sort of group, or with group-think. I don't belong to a political party, even. And I think that's where my trouble with AA comes from. I'm able to think myself through and beyond the party. I can see where it has amazing benefits, and it really is a program that was ahead of it's time - something that is transformational. It's worked for millions of people, and failed millions more.

My therapist is behind me on this. "I have you, what do I need a sponsor for?" She agreed, "Many people work the steps with the help of a therapist instead of a sponsor. However you want to do it, or even if you just want to continue with therapy, is fine by me. If it works for you, keep doing it." When I moved back here the first thing I did was find a therapist. I've been in and out of therapy since 1995, and when I'm out of it I'm crazy. Therapy keeps me sane; it's something I can rely on to help me reach inside myself and find the truth.

It works a lot like AA, I think. Therapy is a program of self-knowledge and change, if you do it right. And it addresses the underlying emotional wreckage more deeply. As you can tell, I really love therapy. I rely on it. It's one party I can get behind.

Any lengths

Interesting: "The two keys to quit-success are: Commitment- you make up your mind to quit and are willing to go to any lengths to do so; and: Preparation- you take the time to develop a quit-plan that works for you, and to prepare for nonsmoking life."

"Willing to go to any lengths to do so." It's a lot like AA, methinks. Your first step is to admit you are powerless over cigarettes and the smoking has become unmanageable. The second step is to quit. The third step is to give it over to God. The fourth step is to look at all the triggers and try to change your behavior.

So why do I smoke? When I go to meetings, I think about smoking. When I walk the dog, I smoke. It's good that I'm here, because I can't just walk outside and smoke a cigarette whenever I want to. I need a good excuse to leave the house. So if I stop taking phone calls outside, that will cut back. If I stop smoking when I walk to the store, if I stop smoking at meetings, I won't smoke any more. I think I'll start with only smoking when I go to meetings. It might make me go to more meetings.

The 12 rewards

There are 12 rewards of sobriety, according to Sister Bonnie:

Hope and faith, instead of despair.

Courage, instead of fear.

Peace of mind, instead of confusion.

Self respect, instead of contempt.

Self confidence, instead of helplessness.

Respect of others, instead of pity or contempt.

A clear conscience, instead of guilt.

Real friendship, instead of loneliness.

Love and understanding of family and friends, instead of their doubts and fears.

Freedom of living without the bondage of an unhealthy relationship.

Helpful websites

There's this website I've been reading that's really helpful. I keep quoting from it. It's 12Step.org.They have quotes from a number of books and things about this work. They go through the steps one by one and help you better understand just where you're going with them. Hope it helps you like it's helped me!

Also, there's one with worksheets for steps: Steps by the Big Book. I'm using the inventory worksheet from step 4, and reading what they suggest. My sponsor has a worksheet she developed off of this stuff.

Also from 12Step.org is the Big Book online. Good for reading at work or when you don't have it handy.

Another I like is the PDF of the 12&12.

I'll add more as I find them helpful.