Will the bipolar calm down?

"Alcohol exposure during adolescence alters the body's ability to respond to stress in adulthood....problems regulating stress are associated with behavioral and mood disorders, the findings may indicate that binge drinking in adolescence leads to increased risk of anxiety or depression in adulthood."

I began drinking and doing drugs when I was 15. I had depression issues before that, but wasn't diagnosed bipolar until a little bit after I started doing drugs. I dealt with the stress in my life by doing drugs, and believe me, there was a lot of stress in my life. I hear people say all the time that they used to think, "If you had my problems you'd drink too!" I suppose that's what I was saying, without saying that.

I don't know when I started having panic attacks, but I don't think it was until college. I know I was a mess, then, but I also wasn't on medication except drinking. I did the occasional drug, but not really. I smoked, too. I kept dealing with the stress by drinking. Every time something went wrong, I got drunk.

So in my adulthood, I have trouble dealing with stress. Is it because of that early drug use? Is it because I've gotten into the habit of dealing with stress with substances? I've been under a lot of stress lately, and haven't dealt with stress with substances. I've been able to just deal with it (with the help of cigarettes and diet Coke). I wonder if just breaking that habit will help me deal with stress. I wonder when I break the cigarette habit, if that will help me deal with stress?

I wonder a lot whether the drugs I took made me bipolar instead of just depressed. I did take an anti-depressant and went manic, which is a good indicator of being bipolar, but could it have been exacerbated by my drug and alcohol use? I'm hoping that the longer I'm sober the less drugs I need to be on. I'm hoping it will calm down the bipolar.

Marya Hornbacher talks about still being on meds, and talks about how you'll still be bipolar without the drugs. I think that's true: It will still be there. She had a severe case of bipolar, which I don't have, but I know it will still be something I'll have to deal with, just maybe lesser.