The irresistable urge to eat

I think the Zyprexa is giving me Binge Eating Disorder. I can not stop eating. Even while I'm eating I'm thinking about what I'm going to eat next. I just finished eating a roll and now I'm looking over the fridge in my head to see what's next. I should be full - I had an apple right before that, and I had a sandwich 3 hours ago - but I'm not. I just have an insatiable need to eat. Nothing is satisfying.

I thought maybe it was thirst, so I drank a liter of water and 3 cups of coffee. Nothing. Still feels like hunger to me. This is the mighty secret of Zyprexa. It gives you an eating disorder. It messes with that little cue system in your brain that says you're full. Even my dad commented on my eating. "That's why people gain 12 pounds in 12 days." Right he is.

And the silly thing is, I know I'm not hungry, but I can't keep myself away from food. There's an incredible gravitational pull towards the kitchen. I am powerless over it. I must eat. I don't like feeling out of control like this.

Yesterday and the day before I was using the Weight Watchers tool to track what I was eating, but today I gave up. I already know I'm overeating. I don't know how to stop it. So, I'm making a giant bowl of vegetables. At least I'm getting good food in.

But hey, at least I'm not suicidal anymore! I just traded one demon for another.