Lessons from the therapist

I got homework from the therapist: a)get your sleep back on schedule, b) make a vision list, c) pull away from the bad things in your life slowly, d) think about dating.

My sleep has been funky, as you can tell by the times on all the posts. I've been up into the wee hours of the morning just sitting here on the computer being prolific. Go me. So I've got to find another way to have time alone, rather than waiting to stay up all night just so it seems like I have my own apartment. Tonight I've got to go to bed early because we're getting up at 5 tomorrow and hitting the road to head up north. Traffic should be awesome.

A vision list is something you do that's kind of like a fourth step: what are my characteristics now, and then what do I want them to be. So if now I'm obsessive about stuff, and I want that to change, what does that look like? Also, the simple things like how do I want to dress in the future, and what will my career path look like? It's like making a five year plan, but looser.

I told her I quit smoking and she commended me, but also warned me about the difficulty of doing that while I'm trying to find a job and do a million other things. She thinks I can do it, but I need to change those habits slowly and realize that if I slip it's not the end of the world; I just need to get back on that horse.

Oh, dating. She talked about how I have the obvious capacity for intimacy, since I've shown it with Adam, and how a lot of people just aren't capable of that. She thinks I have the potential to find a really fulfilling relationship one day. She suggested I look into the possibility of dating, but not having sex. Just taking it one day at a time - maybe just going to dinner or a movie. I think it's a nice idea, because I don't really want to be in a relationship right now, but I do need the practice, and it's good to meet people. We'll see what the sponsor has to say.

I'm still really bad at wanting to listen to my sponsor. For starters, she's 26. What the hell did I know at 26? Nothing. I'm sure she knows a lot more about AA than I do, but when it comes to life, I think I've got a leg up on her. So it's hard for me to want to tell her things and then listen. I mean, if I think of her like a friend and she's giving suggestions, then that's cool, but it seems like in AA they expect you to do exactly what you're told. I think I'm going to be a rebel. I hope that doesn't hurt me in the end.