Happy new year!

I can not believe it's 2011 already. It seems like the past year went by super quick with all the amazing things that have happened. I wonder what in the world is going to happen this year....

Resolutions for 2011:

1. Well, we know get a job and an apartment is number 1 on there. I have another interview on Monday, and a potential one later in the week. I think I should hear from more people now that the holidays are over. Right? Right. And of course, what comes from having a job is getting an apartment on my own again. It's been 4 or so months that i've been here, and I am grateful, but I miss having a place of my own. I miss having some alone time and my own stuff.

2. Actually train for the marathon and run them to the finish. I am so not prepared for march's marathon, nor any real running, since I have been extremely lazy the past few months. I need to get back out there on the road and prepare! I spent tonight with my cousins, and even invited me to come out in may for a half marathon in their hometown, so that's another one on the books.

3. Hm. Shouldn't you always have there of something? Good things come in threes.... Right? You know what? I'm going to keep up this blog. I really enjoy getting everything out on "paper." I know most of the time I'm talking to myself, but I'm ok with that. It has been extremely helpful to just talk it all out. So I think I will continue this journey with you, and thanks for listening.

Happy new year!

Holiday drinking doesn't have to be

The holidays are full of alcohol. From Thanksgiving to New Years, there are even drinks created in honor of the season. Egg nog, spritzers with candy canes, flaming shots, and minty creations all hit the scene. Champagne runs free, and many people accompany all of that with their other drugs of choice: coke is out for all to have; even grandma is smoking pot in the basement with cousin Ted. The holidays are just a time of excess.

And a scary time for those of us new in sobriety. This is my first holiday season sober, and I feel like I'm doing just fine - I have no interest in drinking. I haven't in a while. But then, I haven't been presented with a problem, yet. Thanksgiving was booze-free, thanks to my aunt who just didn't bother this year because we were a small crew, and half under 21 or who didn't drink. Easy.

But now we're coming to the two drinking days. I'm hanging out with other family this time, and they are totally going to make nog and crack champagne. They are all great people, and know I'm sober, and will have diet Coke available (and I'll be bringing some), but it will still be hard, I think. I'm so used to having a celebratory glass of wine with dinner, and a few before, and a few after. I'm usually the one who makes the nog in the first place, though I hate the taste.

So I'm doing what they suggest: I'm making alternate plans. I'm plotting out when the meetings are and avoiding holiday parties I don't have to go to. Like my cousin's friends party on Christmas eve. They are nice folks, but I don't really need to be there for them to have fun. I don't NEED to be anywhere for people to have fun, but you know what I mean. So I'm trying to plan an alternate event with Adam where we can hang out and have Christmas. He's alone here (his family is about 1k miles away), and I don't want him to be alone. And, of course, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to spend a little time with him.

Sober Recovery has a good 12 step program for the holidays (like make an alternate plan or host your own event) which can give you some good ideas. The point is, you don't have to drink to have fun, and you don't have to have fun where there are drinks. You can say no to a party if you don't feel comfortable, and you don't even have to say "it's because I don't drink alcohol." There are a million other reasons, and AA encourages you to say true ones, like I have something else planned, but I also advocate for lying if you have to. "I don't feel well tonight" is a perfectly fine excuse if you think going to an event would make you want to drink.

So stay sober this holiday season. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself to some candy caned themed something non-alcoholic. Like a mocha! Man, I love those Starbucks themed drinks. Some even taste like egg nog, if you're into that kinda thing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'll be away from a computer till next week, but I'm sure you have more than enough to catch up on here. I'm headed up north with my family, along with thousands of other travelers. Should be an interesting drive! I hope we take some back roads, on purpose.

I'm a little worried about the drinking that's going to happen. Even my dad drinks on holidays, and he never drinks. It's also the holidays, where I'm used to celebrating with my family. How do you celebrate without alcohol? Will I be comfortable there in the house? Will I be able to keep myself asleep without freezing to death? It's damn cold there in the farmhouse.

I've found an AA meeting in the small town where I'm going (they really are everywhere) on Thanksgiving day, so it should be good. I'll get to spend some time with alcoholics and maybe go to coffee with someone. It will be better to have an hour or two hour break from the drinking going on at the house.

Anyway, happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Eat that pie

"Many of us deal with depression, disappointment, loneliness and unfulfilled expectations during the holiday season....When our ideal holiday expectations are not met, we feel bad. That's when many of us resort to eating more food, more often, to keep the deeper stuff at bay."

We do eat to push down our emotions. And the holiday season can be really rough for a lot of folks. I like how they mention that people deal with unfulfilled expectations through eating. I need to watch out for this this season. I've got a lot of unfulfilled expectations going on, and some disappointment to deal with. But I'm really glad to be home. I like being here with my dad, and I get to be near Adam and my other friends.

So when I go up north for turkey day, I'm going to go for a run with my cousin and eat one piece of pie. Maybe 2.

Turkey and a family of turkeys

Looks like we're going up north for Thanksgiving. I'm excited! I can't wait to see my aunt and uncle and my cousins. I don't get to see them very often, cause they never really leave the state. They suffer more financially than the rest of my family, so they don't take trips very often. My grandma is up there, too, so it will be nice to spend time with her. Maybe she can teach me to make her famous jam tarts. Those things are so tasty.

My aunt has a bunch of sisters who make their Thanksgiving specialties and bring them over the day of or the day before. One of her sisters makes the best chocolate chip cookies ever. Another makes great casseroles, and my aunt always makes tons of other foods. It's such a big family event.

Usually, I sneak outside to smoke cigarettes with her brother and all the uncles when I go out to get a beer. It will be interesting not drinking. I'll have to find a better excuse to go outside and smoke.

I'm going to go running with one of my cousins while I'm there, too. She's an adorable 20 year-old, and I suppose I should start thinking of her as a woman instead of the kid whose diapers I changed. I really like her, and want to be closer to her. I just think she's great.

So it should be a really good trip. Maybe I'll even tell them I'm in AA.

Halloween is not the same

Happy almost Halloween! I grabbed this from Mr. Sponsor Pants this morning. He had a nice Q&A about sobriety that I highly recommend. He's a smart dude.

I love Halloween. I love kitsch. I usually host a Halloween party with all the trimmings: ghosts and ghouls decorating the yard and my house, pumpkin carving for friends, Day of the Dead materials throughout, including decoration stations for sugar skulls, punch inside a pumpkin, pumpkin soup, pumpkin seeds, and bread. I go all out for holidays, and this is the beginning of the season. It makes me happy to just go crazy for this kind of stuff, and really show my friends a good time. I also love to dress up. Last year I was Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror. I did the whole outfit, heels, tights, and all.

I suppose Halloween is going to be like any other day this year. My friend canceled her party where we were going to hand out candy, and I'm pretty sure no kids trick or treat here in my dad's apartment building. That might be weird. Going from floor to floor knocking on doors....

I'm going to a Day of the Dead art show tomorrow, which hopefully will get my fill of DoD. I love that part of the holiday best. It's so beautiful and full of meaning. I'm hoping to restrain myself from buying something.

I suppose this may be the beginning of a disappointing season. I won't be able to throw my own parties this year. I won't be able to decorate, since I don't have any of my decorations. My dad goes crazy for Christmas, so maybe I'll get to decorate his place instead. And perhaps he'll let me throw a small gathering or something.

Bring the kitsch

Just an entertaining article:
16 Ways Depression Is Like a Pumpkin

The holiday season is coming, and most people hate this time of year because they get depressed with all the dark time and lack of sunlight. But I love it. You know I love kitsch, and tis the season! From pumpkins and costumes to santa and stockings, I love it all. I usually have a theme for Christmas where I give all my family something along the theme lines. I did Jesus last year, and gave my cousin Roger a thing that you press into bread and then toast the bread, and it displays the Virgin Mary. It was a big hit.

I don't have a theme this year, and I don't have the money to do gifts... maybe I'll have to get some clothespins and make reindeer. Yes! Reindeer gifts made from clothespins. It's perfect.

I can't have parties this year, unless I rent out the room downstairs in the building, but that's expensive. So I'll have to just decorate my dad's house with kitsch. I have to get my holiday box out of storage. I'm going to a Day of the Dead festival with some sober friends the day before Halloween. This is where my season starts. I always have a DoD party with all sorts of cool decorations, so now I'll get to see artwork by real Mexican artists.

I hope we go north this year for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I love the snow up there during the holidays. It really makes it feel like Christmas, and my aunt really goes crazy! She has 8 (?) siblings, and they all bring different things to her open house, and family comes and goes all day long. We all stay in their big farm house, where it's freezing and haunted, but perfect. I love being with my family. Like any family, they make me crazy, but I do love them.

A fiesta it's not

I love to throw parties. Any excuse for a party, and I'm on it. Grilling in the backyard, hanging out with friends, getting ridiculously drunk.

My last party was Cinko de Drinko on Cinko de Mayo. I had about 20 people over in my little backyard and dressed it up in Mexican themed stuff. I even have chili pepper lights and some with sombrero's on them. It looked awesome. I started drinking while setting up the party, around noon. I shared a bottle of wine with the guy on the grill, and by the time people arrived at 3 I was primed and ready. I also had a friend in town who was leaving that night at 7 from the airport near my house. I had promised him a ride.

Progressively, I got wasted. I'm not sure how many bottles I personally finished, but there were about a dozen in my recycle bin the next morning. There were also numerous beer cans and about two pitchers of punch that I know I drank. Tequila is the official drink of Mexican themed parties, you know.

When it came time for my friend to leave, I got up and weaved to find my keys. Luckily, the only sober person there offered to drive him. I so would have. I was ready and everything.

The rest I remember of the night, I was tripping over my skirt and falling down in my house, and then I woke up the next morning in my pj's, in my own bed, with my ex-boyfriend. Again. I promised myself I wouldn't sleep with him anymore, and apparently I said some things that he took as me liking him still. I mean, he should have taken it that way. I said we might as well get married cause no one wants either of us. I'm a bitch.

My friend Mary called the next day and told me to promise not to tell him what we talked about. She said, I totally agree that he was really mean to you when you were dating, but he'd be mad if you repeated anything I said. I pinkie swore not to tell - I have absolutely no memory of talking to her.

So, how do I throw a party now? What will my guests do? Since all my friends drink, should I just let them get drunk and abstain? Labor day is coming up, and I'll luckily be out of town, but I have my annual Halloween party and then drunk Thanksgiving where I take care of all the orphans who can't fly home. How will we be social? How to lubricate a party on Shirley Temple's?