Would you move for a job?

Speaking of jobs, I went to a great session at the conference on job hunting. A friend and colleague of mine was teaching it, and she said something important that really stuck. When she was looking for a job she was living in Florida, and was really just looking in that area. And then someone offered her an interview in NYC. "NYC?" she said, "I don't want to live there!"

But you never pass up an interview. Every single one is a chance to network and hone your skills. Even if you pull out of the interview process, that person is bound to know someone else who is hiring. It's all about the connections you make. So she went. And then she discovered something... she liked NYC. And she got the position. So she moved.

"Don't limit yourself geographically."

And so I'm not. I'm looking all over the coast, even all over the States. At this point I just want a job where I can make a home for myself and maybe build my career instead of just having jobs I hate. It wouldn't really matter where that was, I suppose. I think I was just trying to move home in order to make a change. I love change. But I realize now that I can still be close to home without being geographically close. Sure, it's expensive to fly cross-country, but if that's the price of happiness, then so be it.

Love and travel

Hour two of sitting in Boston's Logan Airport, and I feel I've exhausted all internet wormholes. And then I remembered, "I write a blog!" Thank God for something to do for another 30 minutes while I wait for my flight to board.

The conference I went to was wonderful and exhausting. I got to hang out in the City and see all my friends. We didn't have Christmas, but I got to have dinner with Jennifer and Michael. Michael. He's still in love with me, I think. He proposed to me so I could get health insurance, but I really think he meant it seriously. We laughed and joked about a sham marriage, and then talked seriously about the implications of something like that. I've never been married (he has), and I still take it seriously. I know marriages have a 50% fail rate, but really everything in life is 50/50. You take a shot, but you do it for love.

I also got an email from a potential employer who wants to have an interview with me on Monday. The job is in another major city on the coast, not where I'm currently living, but I think that would be fine. Everywhere on this coast is within a day's drive or an hour flight. Jet Blue and such have cheap (under $50) deals sometimes, so it would be easy to get home for a weekend.

But would I want to live in THAT city? THE city of cities? I've been there a few times, and that's where my favorite baseball team is, but I've never thought of living there. It's super expensive, they say, but all the apartments I've looked at are on par with where I used to live. So we'll see. I have to get a job, first, before I start thinking about these things.

I'm off again!

I have a conference all next week, so don't be surprised if I don't get on here. I'll be back on the other coast with my buds, and we're going to have an early Christmas. Should be fun! I'm leaving in the morning, at 6am, so it's almost time for bed.

Talk to you all soon!

I hate health care

So I'm fighting with the health insurance companies again. I tried to fill my prescriptions with my discount card, and it was still $2,000 for one med for 90 days. The other two were close to $1,000 each, and there were no generics. Jesus. I couldn't even put that on my credit card!

I called medicaid and they denied me because I have a pre-existing condition. That's right, kids, they can totally deny you because you have bipolar disorder, even if you've been covered by the same company for years before. Until 2014, they can still deny you. So every company denied me, and someone told me about a "high risk" insurance I could call. I called, and they need an official denial letter from an insurance company, so I'm applying AGAIN just to get the letter.

How incredibly frustrating. But I need meds now. I'm going to be out soon, and I need them in the mail. So I went to Canada drugs and got my meds, prescription free (which I wish I had known before I spent $200 on the psychiatrist). It was still $967 for 90 days of all my meds, where it used to be $90, but that I can stick on a credit card and pay slowly. How depressing to add more debt!

My sponsor yelled at me

She said she can only help me as much as I want to be helped, and I'm not making the program a priority; that I should go back to step one. Interesting. I haven't been to meetings lately because a) I was in a small town up north for a week, b) last night Emily was in town with her baby and I stayed for dinner, missing the 8:30 meeting. Suddenly I don't care about AA?

But she kind of has a point. In my life, my friends and family are more important than me making a meeting. Does that "lead me straight to a drink"? I think God and I are doing just fine going to 3 or 4 meetings a week. I think that's enough to keep me involved in the program. And I have no interest in drinking. I was a little embarrassed around Emily's parents, but I got over it and let them know what was going on. All the people in my life know I'm sober, and I'm happy to be.

So have I stepped away? I think I'm just having trouble with the program as my sponsor sees it. She has me calling every day. I don't even talk to my mom every day. I don't want to talk to her every day. I just call and say "hi, everything's still the same as it was yesterday." How useful is that? I don't know if it is. It's not useful to me. Once a week and seeing her at 3 meetings a week would be just fine, but calling her every day AND seeing her at 3 meetings?

Maybe I'm still hesitant to put both feet into this program. Why? Well, I hate being told what to do, #1, but I think I'm also weary of drinking the "Kool-Aid." I saw how it affected Adam in the beginning, and he was annoying as hell. He also spent all his time and energy on AA, and now only has friends in AA. I don't want to limit myself so much. I want to keep the people I love and not alienate them.

How do I make it right with my sponsor? I need to talk to her about all this. I know she's going to call me a dry drunk and tell me I'm never going to be or stay sober unless I do it whole hog, and maybe I'll just have to tell her I'm not ready yet.

Feel like getting fat?

I just had to join Weight Watchers again. It is getting ridiculous. I've eaten pie for breakfast, lunch, and dinner since Thanksgiving. During my time driving cross-country I ate McDonald's chicken nuggets all the way. I had a brownie for breakfast this morning, and two big helpings of macaroni and cheese for dinner.

None of this is good for me.

So I joined Weight Watchers again. Maybe this time of feeling like purging isn't so great to start a diet, but it's more like I'm just continuing what I was doing before I left the other coast. I had been doing this for a year, and lost 40 pounds, and I hope to lose the last 10.

The job process

Got another rejection today from somewhere I interviewed. That's 3 out of 8 so far. We'll see what the rest of them do. I'm not holding out hope anymore. No one has called my references, and the only one I'm super qualified for is one I haven't heard a peep from despite them saying they were going to get back to me the next week (a month ago). I think that one would be nice, but we'll just have to wait.

Since the holidays are coming up, I'm not going to hold my breathe for a good job to show up on the searches, either. Nothing is coming up in the past few days, and I wouldn't expect to hear from anyone until after New Year's anyway.

So I probably wouldn't get a job until February, assuming interviews in January. My benefits run out in March, so please oh please I need a job before then. I really don't want to go back to making $11 an hour for really hard labor and long hours at a retail job. Plus, everyone does inventory in January, which would suck. They lock you in overnight and you count everything. Boo.