Don't get forgetful

Did I take my drugs this morning? I have no idea. I got up at an unGodly hour to meet someone in the city for a meeting and I may have forgotten to take them. It's probably ok, though, cause I think I might be getting a little manic. I'm booked for lunch and dinner all week, which hardly ever happens. It's only 2 and I've already been to two meetings and breakfast. I was supposed to go to a movie tonight with a friend, but I'm slowing myself down. I rescheduled for Tuesday.

It feels good to go to meetings, even when sometimes it's just the crazy people talking about their diabetes. I suppose sometimes you just need to get stuff like that off your chest. Even if it's not AA related.

Swinging that sword

The speaker this morning talked about how her drinking never had consequences, like DUIs or loss of family, but that she always had a sense of impending doom. She always felt like that sword of Damocles was about to drop on her head. That's how I felt. I knew something would happen. Some day I was bound to get a DUI or something car related like an accident. I may not have become a "rock bottom" drunk, but it was getting to the point where something bad was going to happen, and it was going to rock my world.

As I come up on my anniversary I get more and more grateful for sobriety. I'm glad I found it when I did, too! This past year would have been hell or death if I was still using. I couldn't have made it. Who knows what would have happened. It's just another example of the promises coming true: God doing for me what I couldn't for myself.

A few people have asked what I'm going to do to celebrate for my anniversary. I might be up north, so I don't know. There's a meeting that night, so I'm definitely going to that, but maybe I can find some sober people to take me out to dinner. If I stay here, I think I'll do a marathon meeting day. I'll hit an 8:30am, noon, 5:30pm, and 8:30pm. I suppose sobriety is present enough.

Just jump

Well, Adam and Roger are down with the will, so that's settled. I had a great breakfast with Roger this morning and he had some great advice on life in general.

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You've been through some shit, and I've never seen you fail. You always come out ahead. So, in the unemployment situation, you've got time to discover what you really want. What do you really want?"

I want to travel. I want to write. I wouldn't mind combining those two things and making something of it. He suggested I start a blog (ha ha) and write about where we live now as a travel blog for visitors. It is a highly touristed place, and there are all sorts of cool things that most people never learn about. And I'd be glad to experience them again to get a fresh perspective.

I'm going to the college Monday to talk to a professor about a program there. It's a program I've always wanted to study, but thought I could never do anything with. I think I'm beginning to see a future in it, all based on writing.

"The people who are the biggest successes take the biggest risks," said Roger. "I'm risk-averse, too, so I know you feel nervous doing something that's not a steady paycheck, but if it's something you love, you should do it!" I love him.

A little love

Smoke a dope

Waiting, waiting. Traffic sucks, apparently.

I think smoking makes me more anxious. I'm almost done with this pack and then I can quit again. Really, I could just throw then away, but what a waste of nicotine. I have a problem.

I'm seeing Adam tonight to watch our show, and so I'm going to have to take a shower beforehand. I'm sure we'll be cuddling - we always do - and he hates the smell of smoke. He hates that I smoke, I think. It's a nasty habit. It smells. I'm not smoking anymore. Three more, that's it.

Wakey wakey

It's nice that both my parents have insomnia. I hung out with my dad till 4, and now my mom is up. She's coming over to take me to breakfast. I'm going to talk to her some more about this will thing. It's complicated! I didn't realize how much until I started thinking about all my assets and passwords and stuff. If I'm supposed to plan it like my parents are both deceased, then who in the world gets my money? I'm not rich, by any sense of the word, but I'm not stupid with money. I have investments. And so far no children. Would I want it to go to charity? To family? If so, who or what?

This is best discussed over fried potatoes.

Write me in

What's too much to ask of a friend?

So, there's a long story, but basically my mom said I need to set up a will and power of attorney in case she and my dad are dead and I become incapacitated. It's a long stretch (knock on wood) but it could happen. There's some family money that I would need to have administered. She said, think of someone in your age group who you trust, would trust with your life and your money. There are only two people I can think of: my cousin Roger, and Adam.

My cousin has two small kids and I don't know if he would be willing to take on something like that. I would like to ask him, though. He's the most responsible adult I know, and he has a conscience that wouldn't let him do wrong even in the most tempting situations. I know he would be responsible and go by my wishes.

And then there's Adam. I trust him with my life, and I think if someone had to pull the plug on me he could do it (with a lot of hand wringing). He is my best friend, but what is too much to ask of a friend? That's a lot of responsibility. And he knows my family. He would have to deal with them around the money issue. I should just leave it all to him. That would be hilarious.

Anyway, I have to come up with something soon (she said). I want to talk to the family lawyer. I need to figure it all out, like who gets what of my grandparents in the event of my and my moms death. I mentioned writing a will to my dad and he started talking about all his books and what I should do if he dies. Ugh. I hope he never dies. One, because I love him, and two, because it would be a giant pain in the ass.

I hate death. But it's important to think of these things. I know Andrea is going to take the dog - she made that clear before - and Jennifer said she'd serve as dog backup. Hopefully I'll outlive that little bugger.