A break up by any other name

I did it. I broke up with my sponsor. I called and said, "Listen, I just don't think I can dedicate the time to AA right now, what with all the other crap going on in my life. I don't want to waste your time or mine." She was really great about it. "Just keep my number and feel free to call me anytime, even if it's a year from now."

I feel like a jerk, but kind of relieved. You all know my problems with her, but I'll recap a little. I think she just dedicated her life to AA, which is a great thing, but I want more than that. I don't want AA to be the central theme in my life. I don't want to have only friends in AA. I don't want to spend every night of my life doing AA related things. I want to keep the friends I have, and I don't necessarily want all of them to know I'm in AA.

And she's so young! I don't know if she really understands life, or life on life's terms. She definitely didn't understand the concept of a networking event, and how you can't just show up for a minute and leave. It's all about meeting the biggest amount of people, and giving out your business card. I understand she was worried that there would be booze there, but I think it was still important that I went.

And I know I feel better not having to lie to her. I mean, I didn't HAVE to, but I felt like she wouldn't understand my feelings about AA, and therefore I didn't let myself get close to her. One should be close to their sponsor; trust them with their life story. And I didn't.

So I need to find a new sponsor. It's time to go back to meetings more often, and seek out someone more like my original sponsor. Someone who gets life and knows AA can't be everything to me.