Boys are stupid

"Why do you want me to stay? Are you just lonely or do you want me to stay?"
"Why a why question? Can't we just be best friends and sit here together and not have to talk about our feelings? Can't we just hang out?"
"I think it's a legitimate question. Are you using me? I think I should go."

And then I stayed. I'm an idiot. You all know how I feel about him, and he knows it, too, and I even said, "This kind of stuff is hard for me, because I just want you, and I want you to want me. I'm fine being on the couch and hanging out, but when you want to cuddle with me all night I get the wrong idea." But I stayed anyway.

I'm going to get hurt. I feel fine today - we cuddled all night long, really. Just that. But he kept touching my face and brushing back my hair. "Why do I want to kiss you right now?" He said in the car yesterday. I asked him not to say that stuff out loud unless he's going to do it.

He confuses me. We're best friends, and I love him. I do. But I also love him, and I can't seem to make it go away. He acts like he loves me, but talks like he doesn't.

Boys are stupid.

UPDATE: He just called. "I had therapy this afternoon. You know I'm slow to process things. I just wanted to let you know that it's you I want to be there. I like your company. I want to hang out with you, not someone else. It's not because I just want a body in my bed." This all makes me feel better. I don't want to be used, even if I'm using myself, in a way. He still makes me crazy. I just want to make love (hate how cheesy that sounds) to him. I want to, as we used to joke, fuse. Sigh.