Committed to commitment

"the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled."

Obligated. They say commitment is making a plan and following through with it. I have absolutely no problem with that, but it's the feeling obligated, perhaps, that is the question for me. I can set my mind to anything and jump, but that's just it: I love the jump. I love to try new things. I love to move (I move apartments every year or so). I love to meet new people. I love to visit new places.

When I went to Austria I wanted to move there. Wherever I go I think about moving there. Now, because of the job hunt, I have to go wherever I find work, which I find exciting and fresh! I can't wait to find out where so I can plan. There's just so much to do, and it's all so much fun! Even things like finding a new dentist make me happy. I love shiny and new.

Perhaps it's not commitment, it's just attention span? I think they go hand in hand, though. I can't commit long-term to anything because I get bored. I need to try something new. Restlessness and short attention span are manic symptoms. Maybe I just hit the manic part in my cycle about once a year? I usually get these urges in the spring, which is historically when I've been manic.

But let's not blame it all on the mania. Let's blame mom! After all, we're all programmed by our past experiences. But really, I'm sure a lot of this is learned behavior. Leave before you get disappointed. Leave before they leave you.