My head goes buzza buzza

My therapist calls it "limbo." It's that state I'm in right now where nothing is certain; where I don't really have anything, per se, I'm just holding. My life is all up in the air.

And it's true in all corners of my life. The unemployment for one. I can't really seem to find a job I want that wants me, too. I would like a nice career, but I suppose I just need someone to give me an offer before I can start being picky. And this all prevents me from settling down. Even if I'm going to stay in this area, it's got a lot of suburbs to the city, and I wouldn't know where I would be settling down. What state would I even register my car in? It's all up for grabs.

I can't really settle here, anyway, because now I'm looking all over the place for jobs. Who knows what city, what state I'll end up in. So I can't do things like get a regular hair cut person, or find an AA home group. I mean, I can do all these things, and I have, but I know they are just temporary, so I'm not holding on to them or investing much in them. It's all limbo.

And there's so much uncertainty to that. Will I be here 6 months from now still wondering why I don't have a job, and desperate enough to take any old thing that comes along? Will I be living up north? Will I be with Adam (since I'll have a year by then, and he'll have no excuse)? What does my life hold? I suppose these are the things that keep me up at night.