He missed me

Last night Adam called and said he was a block away. "I miss you. I want a hug." Alright, I said. Come on over.

I haven't seen him in about 3 weeks. I was up north for Thanksgiving, and then cross-country last week. The week in between was just crazy busy. He asked if I was passively pulling away from him, and I kind of was after the conversation we had about me loving him for the past 6 years, and after my therapist said I just needed to let go. I think I've let go. I've decided that if it happens, it happens, but if not, I need to be ok with that. I've expanded my search for a job to places that would be far from him, keeping us apart again.

It's sad, because we really love each other. He couldn't stop holding me last night, and kept kissing my forehead, or kissed my neck once. He was just getting super close to me. We even lay on my bed for a minute and cuddled. Oh, I'm so stupid. I was pulling back just fine, and then I see him and all I want to do again is be with him.

"Whatever this is, and I love you, whatever this is between us, I don't want to put all my eggs in someone else's basket. I want to be whole, first," he said. I understand. It's like they always say, you've got to love yourself before you love anyone else. But I think he's missing an opportunity. I think he's missing out on me, and perhaps he'll miss out on someone else by focusing too much on fixing everything. No one is whole - we all have pieces missing, I think.

I wonder if he would follow me this time. He's looking for new positions in his field, and I wonder if he would look for something with me. If we moved up north we could find a house really easily. We could try living together and see if we would kill each other, which I doubt. I wonder.