Just when you think you're ok

I had no idea I had that in me. Sometimes you raise your hand to speak thinking you're going to say one thing, and then something else entirely comes out.

So I made it to the club tonight and went to the 7pm meeting. I didn't care what kind of meeting it was, but it turned out to be a basics (beginners) meeting, which was perfect. Paul led the meeting and talked about sponsorship. He told us the things his sponsor told him to do, how he took a while to find a good sponsor, and the importance of going through the steps with someone. He opened the meeting and said, "I see a lot of new faces. Talk, don't talk, but just know if you don't introduce yourself then no one is going to talk to you. If you want to stew in your own juices for a while, we'll let you."

A few people spoke, and then I raised my hand.

"I'm in a bad place right now. I'm sitting on step 4 without a sponsor. I want to be sober, I like being sober, but I need someone to help me stay sober. So please, if you know someone who's looking for a sponsee or you know a meeting where there's good sobriety, dear Lord, please help me."

And it came out just like that. I had tears waiting to burst out, which I didn't know were there, either. And like AA everywhere, people rallied. They suggested good meetings, someone gave me their phone number, and Paul told me I was coming out to dinner with him. "Let's go get something to eat." Over omlettes and toast he told me all the women in the club who had great sobriety, the bipolar man who was grand-sponsor to a great woman, and the meetings where the women hang out. He gave me the run-down of everything a newbie needs to know about the club.

I'm making a commitment to make some of the meetings he told me about. There's one at 5:30pm every day that I can make every day but therapy day, and I'm going to have to make myself do it until I find a sponsor who tells me otherwise. There's also a 7am womens meeting that I've got to get my butt to. I need to make those connections. I need a sponsor.