Poor Job

"The word "forsaken" refers to an experience of total abandonment that leaves individuals feeling alone in their time of greatest need. Recall Job in the Old Testament, crumpled over and covered with sores, pleading with a seemingly indifferent God."

And now I'm just being dramatic, but forsaken is a great word. When you're depressed you often feel forsaken. Sure, you have friends, but none of them are there for you or understand what you're going through. Of course, since you're depressed, you probably haven't reached out to them to let them know any of this, but still, they've forsaken you. The world has forsaken you. No one understands, no one is on your side. You're all alone in this. Right. Here we are, again, alone in a crowded building.

I reached out to Jennifer last night, and I let Diane reach me today, but I'm still having a case of the forsakens. I need a little more attention, I think. I need, need, need.

Can I tell you something? I thought about killing myself yesterday. Just for a little bit. I didn't have a plan or even try to think of one, I just thought about going away. Life is tough! It just seems to be getting tougher, and I seem to be getting more isolated even though I'm reaching out. I know a lot of it is situational: I have a lot to be depressed about, and I'm out of meds still. So I let myself sit with it for a minute and the feeling passed, as feelings do.

I'm still here today. I didn't cut, I didn't smoke, I didn't drink, and I'm not out somewhere trying to pick up a boy. All in all, it's a success.