Why is college so fuzzy?

Something else we talked about was my overdose at age 18 and whether or not that was my first suicide attempt. I don't know if I'll ever know, but it was out of character for me to mix meds and illegals. I just never did it. And then suddenly I do? I don't remember that morning at all, but I remember everything about that day from the moment I started to feel weird until I passed out, and then when I woke up till the moment I got home. I don't think it was an accident.

Anyway, we were talking and it occurred to me: in the five years between one suicide attempt and another, I didn't get any significant help. Imagine, your kid is bipolar, angry, and obviously has drug problems, and all you do is make her get a job? And then let her move out and in with some boy she's known for 2 days? What in the hell was my dad thinking? Why didn't he immediately get me help when I got home?

We went back to get my meds later, but what I remember was we went to get my allergy shots (and then left them in the car). But there was at least a few weeks there where I wasn't allowed on campus and so didn't get my lithium. Did I just stop taking it? Was my last day of lithium the day I overdosed? What happened next? Apparently there are no withdrawal symptoms for lithium, so there's nothing obvious I can try and think of. So what happened?

The next time I think I got in touch with the mental health community I was in college and probably 21 or 22. I could call the University and get my records. I was taking drugs from them for a while, but all of college is kinda fuzzy.

So, really, since 2003/2004 I've been on continuous meds, but have had a lot of sketchy periods in-between. What was I doing all those times? 1998 - 2003. Well, I know I was using a lot of alcohol, cigarettes, and sex with strangers to make me feel better. I was moving in with people and making really rash decisions. Those were my college years, so I know I was taking something....