Temper tantrum

"But I never move on from bipolar. It isn’t a thing. It’s everything. It’s sleep schedules and med schedules and bipolar symptoms and medication side-effects and moods and therapy and doctors and control every day of my life. There’s never a break. Not for a moment. I’m bipolar now. A minute from now. A day from now. A year from now. Always sick."

I felt bad the other day when I mentioned that I hate having the diagnosis of bipolar. It's a life-long, debilitating, deadly illness that no matter what kind of medicines I take or meditation I do is not going anywhere. It's a part of me: it's my personality.

I can never escape the fact that I'm bipolar and need to be on medication for the rest of my life. Sure, I can stop taking medication, but that's just letting the illness takeover.

Natasha Tracy(the woman who wrote this) also had a neat article on the worst things to say to someone with mental illness. Amazingly, people do say that stuff. My dad says that stuff all the time. Actually, I think he may have said all of those things to me at one point, which just ups the guilt you feel and makes you hide your symptoms. A hidden madness is more dangerous, I think. When people see you're crazy they tend to help. But when you hide everything no one can help you.

So no, it's not fair. It's not cool that I have to take medications that make me a zombie and disrupt my thought processes. It's not fair that I have to be careful of sharp objects. It's not fair that anything I do that's too much fun I worry is mania creeping up on me. It's not fair, damnit.