Summertime and the living is....

It's been a great adventure here up north for the summer. As you can see, I don't have a lot of time to post. My cousin is go, go, go from dawn to dusk. It's amazing how much energy she has! She has three kids, two of them teenagers, and has to keep up with them all. Plus, she's a fitness instructor. We've been doing spin, yoga, and running. I don't know if I've lost weight, but my body feels better, though tired. Today, she's on a field trip with the little one, so I get the day to myself. I haven't worn a real bra in three weeks. It feels almost strange not to put on workout clothes for the day.

Like I said before, AA meetings up here are awesome. By meeting 3 (there are only 2 a week in this small town) everyone said hi to me when I came in and chatted with me afterwards. It's much better than living in the city where there's a meeting a minute and you hardly ever see the same folks. They are just so welcoming here. And they're trying to help me find an Al-Anon meeting for the family. My cousin's soon to be ex husband is an alcoholic, and she wants the kids to know Al-Anon is out there. I think it's a great idea, and would be great for her, too.

She drinks a lot, well, almost every night, and it doesn't bother me to see her do it. In fact, it reminds me why I don't want to drink again. The reactions of her kids make me sure I never want to drink in front of my kids (when I have them). Kids notice everything, and know when you're out of control. I just hope she can see from their perspective. It's hard to see your mom drink at all when your dad is such a drunk.

I just want to hug these kids, but they're not a hugging kind of group. They are very loving, though. The kids obviously love each other and their parents. They're just going through a really rough time right now, and so there's a lot of yelling. Teenagers can be harsh, too! They know how to cut to the bone. I feel sorry for my cousin because she bares the brunt of it, since her ex is living across town.

I just hope I can be a good and loving influence.

29 and counting

Had my 29th interview the other day, and it went just as well as the other 28. They want me to come in for interview number 30. But my dream job just opened up up north, and I'm praying they call me! It's for a premier psychiatric institution with researchers and clients. I would be so pleased to be there. Hopefully they call me for an interview.

I really like being up north for the summer. Its not as hot here, and I'm spending some real quality time with my cousin and her kids. Its also really nice to be out of the apartment. Dad is great, but I was struggling there. AA meetings here are fascinating. All backwoods rednecks (theres a dude who doesnt even wear a shirt) but I love it. I would move north in a heartbeat. I've always loved it here. I spent my summers up here, and holidays. It just makes me happy.

But I'm hesitant. Why? Adam. I want us to be together, but I cant put my life on hold for him. I have to go where the jobs are. But I wish we could make something work. It would help if he wanted it. But I dont even mention it anymore. My cousin is obsessed. She met him when we went down for a weekend and said, "you light up when he's around!" i didn't even think about it, but I do! It's kind of frustrating. He's hard to gauge. A few months ago he said he wasnt looking for anything, so I will hold that as the truth until he tells me differently. I just have to go on and make my own plans.