Little girl lost

Am I manic or is my sleep schedule just off? Am I depressed or just stressed out about this decision to go back to school? I think it's just stress, really. I can't sleep during the night, but I take naps all day. I don't know what it is. Maybe the night driving really screwed me up. Who knows. Could be anything.

I am awake, though, and done with my online shopping. I checked out school and the requirements for my masters again and found a class I was supposed to sign up for but didn't know about. I just signed up and emailed the professor that I can't make the first day of class because I have to work. It's, of course, scheduled for all the three days I thought I didn't have classes and could work, so now my work schedule is going to be screwy. I hope they don't fire me. I just can't open the store anymore. But I can work from 10:30am on, so that should be ok. I hope.

The other two jobs haven't started yet, and it seems like one is going to be funny. They keep rescheduling, so I don't think they are going to want to work when it's snowy, either. I bet it's going to be really random whether I will work or not. I hate random. I like a schedule. But it looks like my life is going to be random for the next few years. I don't know what any of it will look like.

I'm meeting with my adviser on Monday to discuss my path. I hope he can give me some more insight into what I should be doing. I'm a little lost right now.

All things considered

I know, I know, all I do is complain lately, but I'm stressed out. I can't believe I went from making $50k to $19k a year. It's stressful! So what am I doing? Shopping. I have a little left on my credit cards, and so I'm buying pretty dresses and necklaces to make myself feel better. I know it's stupid, but I can't seem to help myself. I lie awake all night, and by 4am I'm online shopping again. At least I'll get some pretty things in the mail that will make me feel happy.

And I'm supposed to get a refund from my graduate loan any day now, which will pay off both cards completely. I'm still waiting for unemployment to pay me, and that seems to be taking forever, so I'm cash poor right now. Luckily all my bills are paid till the middle of September. I like paying things ahead of time.

My unemployment runs out this month, so it's lucky I got (3) a job. We get paid every Friday, which will be nice, and I'm exempt from taxes because I live in a state other than where I'm working. I think one of my jobs might be under the table, too, which will be nice. That will cover exactly nothing (maybe transportation costs), but that's ok. I think that job will be fun and relaxing.

I have orientation today, and I'm still awake. I can't sleep. Damnit. Stress.

The horoscope speaks

Playing the popular game of 'hard to get' is not the smartest strategy for you today. Actually, game playing in general is not advised in life: It causes way too much confusion and is inherently disrespectful to the other person. If you want to be part of someone's life, you need to be up front. Don't get caught up in which one of you is making the first move -- all you should be focusing on is establishing communications. So swallow your pride and do what it takes.

Stats

Fascinating. So I was making $21k this year? Sure didn't feel like it.

Living at home is tricky

My dad just caught me smoking again. He didn't say anything, but I know he saw me out on the porch. Damnit. I know he knows I started again, but I hate that he "knows." Poop.

I don't think the week before grad school starts is any time to quit smoking, and I doubt I'll do it any time during grad school. I'll be living here until at least next summer, so I don't know what to do. When it snows and I have no reason to be outside, he'll just have to put up with me. I'm hiding the damn tattoos, at least he can tolerate me smoking... right? I'm a horrible houseguest.

Teeth

I hate cavities, but I think I have one right down in front on one of my bottom teeth. It kind of hurts (I was poking at it). I haven't been to the dentist in an year and a half because I didn't have dental insurance. So, I bit the bullet and spent my last $300 on student dental insurance. It should cover a filling or two.

I wonder what my co-pay is for a filling. I should probably make an appointment soon, but I just don't have any money left. Maybe my dad would cover it as an early Christmas gift. God, that's pathetic.

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