I'm not myself, you see

I'm running out of cigarettes, and I know that if I leave the house to get them that means I'm perfectly capable of leaving the house to go to a meeting. I don't really feel like being around people right now, but I know meetings always make me feel better. What I need to do is finally make it to that dual-diagnosis meeting in the city. It happens every day at 6, which while I'm unemployed would be super easy to make. I need to talk about how crazy I'm feeling.

It really just started last week when I wrote about how I always hated myself. I try not to think of those things. I'm a generally happy person, even in depression I try to put on a happy face. Thinking about how I really feel makes me anxious. It makes me more depressed to think of how depressed I am.

But I'm feeling pretty crazy right now. I can't stop thinking, and typing it out apparently, and my sleep is all messed up. I don't know if I'm up or down.

"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir,' said Alice, 'Because I'm not myself you see."

Well, this is it

My house is all in the truck, just barely. I should have gotten a bigger truck! It's going to be hell getting it all out again. Michael is really strong, and I don't know who's helping me on the other side besides Daniel and Adam. I think they can manage the furniture between the two of them, but it would be nice to have more people.

I can't believe I'm leaving. It just hit me, and I'm starting to freak out a little bit. My life is so going to change. I'm going to miss all my friends so much.

Everything is topsy turvy. I have a giant tattoo of Alice through the looking glass on my back, because her story is so like mine. They just got closer.