And so it begins.

My name is Anne, and I'm an alcoholic.

Wow. The first time I said that out loud it was hard to get out. I'm an alcoholic. I have a problem with alcohol. It has me firmly in it's grips.

But seriously, alcoholic? Ok, so sometimes (a lot) I drive drunk. And most times I pass out or blackout.... and I end up places I shouldn't be, like sleeping it off in a ditch or in someone's bed, but really, an alcoholic? Isn't that just the way 20-somethings act? Like idiots?

And then I turned thirty and heard a story. My cousin DKD was sitting alone in her house and decided to get shitfaced. She proceeded to drink two bottles of wine, and then decided she wanted to go pick up some dude at a bar. She put on her best skanky clothes and drove to the bar in another town. After a few more shots, she took to her car and drove home on a major highway. She hit a Jersey barrier (one of those concrete things) and ripped up her front axle. And then it gets interesting - some poor sap stopped to help her and called her son to come get her, and then left. The cops arrived and proceeded to grill her on driving drunk, but she said she picked up some man and he bailed with his friends after crashing her car. "That's my story, and I'm sticking to it." She got out of there with nothing but a wrecked car and a very angry son. No ticket, no nothing.

That could have been me. How many times have I stumbled to the bar after having one too many? Hunting for boys to take home to cure my lonliness, and always leaving alone anyway. Driving home blind drunk, having to concentrate with all my might on the road ahead. Crawling out of bed in the morning to sweat out the booze behind my desk and hope no one notices me.

I was sick. I am sick. There is something in this world which has the power to take me over and make me make the stupidest decisions. And I don't want to be that way. I don't want to end up 43 and just like DKD. I won't have it.

So I called someone. My best friend is in this program called Alcoholics Anonymous. He never preached to me; just let me know it was there and available. I've been so proud watching his journey for the past 5 years. It's heartened me to see how much he's grown - but I never thought it was for me.

I walked into my first meeting 7 days ago and helped make coffee. It was lunchtime and since there were four of us, we all went around the room and shared, and I said it. My name is Anne and I'm an alcoholic. Shit. Did that just really come out of my mouth? I can't believe it, but it's true. My behaviors have become out of control. I've lost the control in my relationship to alcohol, if I ever had it in the first place.

We have come to believe that we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable.

Unmanageable. I've never lost a job, been pulled over, or hit rock bottom. But I was sure headed that way. So here I am, chronicling for the interwebs my story.

My name is Anne and I'm an alcoholic.