Obsession grabs me sometimes.

We found that we were totally unable to be rid of the alcohol obsession
until we first admitted that we were powerless over it. -From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Today at a step meeting we discussed step twelve. In the Twelve and Twelve they review the steps, and the first thing they said is the quote above. Rid of our OBSESSION. I am obsessed. I need that drink. I am thirsty for that next one. Once I start the thirst just multiplies and I need more, more, more. Thinking about my next drink was my obsession, whether I was on drink one or at work thinking about the party that night. Or thinking about relaxing after work - I'll just have one glass of wine. That one glass always turned into one bottle, hangover be damned.

We admitted we were powerless over this obsession. That's what the first step is all about. I've been struggling with it and mulling it over. Powerless. Completely powerless to not think about that first drink. To not crave.

I admit it. I am powerless. I can't stop myself. I can't control my own obsession with drinking and all the social shit that comes with it. I want it. I need it. I am powerless.

And that's step one.