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I just chatted with Adam and one of his first questions was, are you manic? Huh. Yeah. I think so. I think it's a combination of a lot of things. My meds are wacky because I'm taking only half my pills... I need to preserve them so I don't run out. I'm crabby, and I'm scared. I'm scared of leaving the coast where my family will take me in and HAS to help me out, to the coast where my friends don't have to let me in. I need to find a place to live that's my own, even if I'm sharing it with others. I don't feel comfortable couch surfing for very long. I didn't even like doing it with relatives.

Everything is still so up in the air. I have job interviews all over the country, but what if nothing pans out? What if something DOES pan out? I want to take this roadtrip, but I'm nervous about it being interrupted. I finally have given myself license to just take off, and what if I get a job? It would be ironic to get one now.

There are so many things I need to think about. I need to manage my drugs. I need more meds, and a source for them when I get to the other side. I need a place to stay. I need a job there. But where? And when? I think I'm just panicking a little.