Hypersexuality and abuse

"...there appears to be an unusually high correlation between bipolar disorder and a history of child sexual abuse, which could be explained by the fact that bipolar disorder is so often inherited, and the parent abuser may well have done so due to his or her own manic depression."

Huh. Interesting. It could be the hypersexuality of mental illness that causes people to act out their sexuality in an abusive manner. The perpetrator themselves may be mentally ill and therefore acting out in a manner they wouldn't otherwise. I wonder if they have ever done a study on abusers and their rates of mental illness.

This is hard to read, but interesting. It's a study they did on whether abuse makes bipolar folks more crazy. I mean, more suicidal and depressed in adulthood. I'll let you process this, cause I'm still thinking about it.

Icky poo yucky

I've been thinking about a big resentment I didn't know I was carrying around. I was sexually abused by a relative when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I never thought it was abuse; I thought it was my fault that I had put myself in that situation, and I must have said yes. But when I think about it, I feel small, and icky.

I didn't even realize I was carrying this around until today in therapy. All of a sudden, I spit out just what I said here. Nothing more, nothing less. My therapist congratulated me on being able to even say it, and told me when I was ready, we could talk about it.

I don't want to carry this around anymore, this feeling of guilt and ick. I want it gone. So I need to examine it, and let it go. It's just something that happened to me, and I'm sure I did have a part in it, because I know I was drunk and high when it happened. So I'll look at it here in step four. I'll let you know how it goes.