Icky poo yucky

I've been thinking about a big resentment I didn't know I was carrying around. I was sexually abused by a relative when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I never thought it was abuse; I thought it was my fault that I had put myself in that situation, and I must have said yes. But when I think about it, I feel small, and icky.

I didn't even realize I was carrying this around until today in therapy. All of a sudden, I spit out just what I said here. Nothing more, nothing less. My therapist congratulated me on being able to even say it, and told me when I was ready, we could talk about it.

I don't want to carry this around anymore, this feeling of guilt and ick. I want it gone. So I need to examine it, and let it go. It's just something that happened to me, and I'm sure I did have a part in it, because I know I was drunk and high when it happened. So I'll look at it here in step four. I'll let you know how it goes.