One eye to the road

Holy crap: 30 million people admit to drunk driving. That's a lot of drunk folks on the road, and I suppose most of them are out now during the holiday party season. Sometimes I'm really glad I don't have my car right now.

But then again, I used to be one of those people. I was a really good drunk driver. I never got pulled over, I never (I don't think) hit anything, I never (I know) hit anyone. I never was in or caused an accident. But can any drunk driver be a good drunk driver?

You always know when someone is drunk if you're driving behind them. They're weavy, and over correct. You can kind of tell the amount of effort they are putting into driving. I always laugh at those folks, and let them pass. But I suppose quitting drinking is a lot like having kids: it makes you more of a stick in the mud. You know when you used to give a pass to all sorts of bad behavior because you did it too? And then something changed in you and you became the sort of person who reported those people. Well, I've hit that distinction.

Now, drunk drivers scare the bejeezus out of me. I call them in when I see them. I've heard too many horror stories at AA meetings about drunk crashes where someone has died, and I never want to hear another one. It's just scary out there thinking about all the folks with one eye closed glaring over the steering wheel. 30 million of us. All driving our way into someone else's front yard.

Bigger, badder drunk driving penalties

I think it's probably a proper punishment for a drunk driver to lose his/her license. I mean, you're driving a one ton weapon at other people. More often than not, you're going to make a bad judgment call and hit something/someone.

Now, California can take your license away for ten years if you have three offenses. I think it's pretty insane that you have to screw up 3 times to get your license revoked for that long. Apparently, three times is the charm. The first time, they only revoke your license for 6 months. I think that may be pretty standard, though I think my friend lost his license for a year. Wait, that was a second offense. That makes sense.

Right now, the law in CA is one year for every offense.After the fourth offense, it doesn't say what the penalty is. I bet there are a lot of folks who just drive without licenses after a fourth offense. I wonder if you get a fifth or sixth in ten years if it's just automatic jail time.

I think ten for 3 times is a gigantic jump, but probably a good penalty. If you don't learn your lesson the first two times, you're probably not going to learn it anytime soon.

Ohh! Shiny

Apparently we drunks space out more often, and are less likely to notice it. Of course, the test was done using War and Peace, which I think everyone spaces out during.

"For example, the observation that alcohol increases mind-wandering suggests another reason why alcohol makes driving dangerous-drunk drivers may lose track of what they are doing."

There's another study that suggests that alcohol impairment is less likely to be determined impairment when you have alcohol in your system. In other words, when you're drunk, you think you can still drive because you don't know your own impairment.

Which explains why we often think, "I'm ok to drive," when we're totally not. A lot of us used to drunk drive, thinking that one of two (or 5) was perfectly fine because we could still hold our heads up just fine. But it appears we were spacey and impaired all along. Kind of a duh, huh?

Retroactive Arrest

They can't arrest you for drunk driving if it's been a long time, right? I suppose I could have gotten an open container ticket up until about 5 minutes ago. See, that's when I had a little too much energy at work (must be all the diet Coke) and stepped outside to clean up my car.

I found the usual stuff: receipts, a corsage from Yelp prom, my dog's blanket, etc. And then I reached for my water bottle, which is in a cup holder in my door. "I'll wash this out," I thought to myself. And then I said, "Self, what's that sticky shit on the top?" As I slowly unscrewed the bottle and it hissed out a steam of beer, I remembered: margabeer.

Now, a margabeer is a fascinating concoction: take one can of lime aide or canned frozen lime juice and pour it into a pitcher. Take that can and fill it with tequila. Then add about 5 really cheap shitty beers (preferably Coors) to the pitcher and mix. Voila! A margarita beer. Simple, inexpensive, and invariably fucks you up. Just one and you've got the buzz.

Well, a month or so ago, my buddies and I all got together to make margabeers. I can't remember where we were, I think at Rebecca's house in the WC. It's hot out there, and you need a margabeer by the pool. So we mixed up a few pitchers, and on my way out the door to drive the 30 minutes home, I poured myself another one for the road.

From the mess it made in the parking lot, I expect I only got about 3/4 of the way through with it before I got home and completely forgot that it was there. Usually, that SIGG is filled with water for my post boozing rides home, or for playing hockey in the fall. Not so much.

So into the sink at work it went, and now it's full of purified water from the awesome bottle system. Next time I go to reach for it, there's no way I'm getting pulled over.