Is AA the only way?

"From a scientific perspective, the effectiveness of all support groups for addictive behavior is unproven. The only way to answer that question is to attend meetings from all available groups, and reach a personal conclusion about the best approach to recovery."

Apparently there are other resources out there for alcoholics looking to recover. I know about Moderation Management (which Michael says is a bunch of people lamenting about their last binge - last night). There's also Women in Sobriety, SMART, and some other little ones based on books. All of them focus on different ways to get sober, like scientific instead of spiritual based, but a lot of them have meetings, too. It's interesting to see what is out there.

There's an interesting article that talks about what an alcoholic really is. A lot of it is the same way AA lists alcoholics: someone who blames others for their troubles, who gets into tons of trouble, "riddled with self." When I read this, I don't identify at all. I blame myself for my troubles, and know I drink too much. I never went more than 2 days without a drink, but that's because I didn't see the point in not drinking. I never had the urge to quit.

I know I need to go back and re-read all my earlier posts. I know that I have a problem with alcohol, and I was starting to get into trouble. But I'm starting to think AA isn't for me. I believe in sobriety as a program for me, and I'll stay sober, but I don't know if AA is the only way. I mean, I like it. I like meetings - they're really interesting, anthropologically. The steps are really neat - I like personal growth. Having others to talk to is good. All the aspects of AA are good, but I feel fine two weeks without it. I still don't want to drink, and I'm more relaxed. I don't feel like I'm guilty for not going.

But maybe it's my laziness talking. Maybe I'm just thinking too much about how I don't really feel like going. Maybe I'm just still upset about how different AA is here, and how I don't really like it. Maybe I just felt too much pressure to drink the Kool-Aid and I'm not interested anymore.

I told my therapist: I'm a fast learner. I dove into AA and got a lot out of it. I grew, and was able to learn some tricks about how to avoid getting drunk again. And now I feel like I've gotten everything out of it. I know helping others will make me feel great, and making amends is a good thing, but I don't really even know many people I would make amends to, except former bosses, and I won't do that because it would hurt me professionally.

I don't know. I guess I need to go back to meetings and give it another shot. If I'm not digging it after a year, I'll just not drink on my own. But I do like getting chips.

Getting through the holidays

"Don't stay home and mope." Not that I'm moping, or anything, but I'm sure as hell not participating in life. I'm just sitting here on my space on the couch (which I feel is getting an imprint of my butt). I'm thinking about stuff like running, going to meetings, traveling, getting my next tattoo, etc. But I'm not actually doing any of it. I'm just sitting here.

The article is about what to do in early recovery to get through the holiday season. A lot of it is what we've already discussed: don't go places where there is alcohol (or drugs), don't mope, find some AA people to hang out with. All great suggestions. Will I take them? Probably not. Why? Because I'm lazy. I know it. I know it's one of my character defects.

I suppose what you do about that is force yourself to do stuff until it becomes habit. My therapist sent me a bunch of resources like Meetup.com where I can find social activities to get me off the couch. She thinks I need to make some new friends, not that my old ones are bad, but I need more. I think she's right. But will I do it? You know the answer.

Lazy days

I have done nothing but nap and walk the dog all day long. I've just been sitting here at my computer while I'm awake, answering emails from people. I've been getting tons today.

My horoscope says I'm going to meet someone new today. Ain't gonna happen unless it's the mailman, and he only goes downstairs. And I think he's there now. Perhaps I'm meant to spend time with my dog.

I'm trying to research and find something interesting for you guys, but I suppose Friday is a slow news day. We shall see.