Hiding a bit of myself

I have to apologize to you, my readers. I am not being completely honest with you. There are some things I can't even write down on "paper." I know this is a safe place, but there are some things I just can't get myself to write.

A lot of it has to do with amends I need to make, or resentments I have that I'm not ready to share, or against people that read this blog. There are a few friends of mine that know about this blog, and I can't quite share yet. So I apologize for hiding a few things. I'm trying to be as honest as absolutely possible.

I love those crazy kids

Adam and I were walking along the boardwalk the other day, and this drunk, high as a kite guy looked at me and said, "You're gorgeous!"

Ok, so unsolicited compliments are fucking awesome. But it made me think. What kinds of things have I said when completely uninhibited by self control? What kind of hurtful or crazy things have I said when I was drunk or high? How do you go back and do amends when you were so drunk you blacked out?

I sure hope most of my comments were like his. I was always a happy drunk, until I blacked out, but then I only hated myself.

Hating yourself really sucks. Ever since I got sober I've loved myself a little more. My meds are finally working, and I'm happy, for once. I feel at peace in myself and with my decision to get sober. It may be one of the best decisions I've ever made. And now, I can make more decisions with a clear head and a higher power that will guide me.