Codependent no more

Sometimes the hardest part about being an alcoholic is letting go. Letting go of your co-dependency on people, especially. I know this is more of an Alanon thing, but I've met a whole lot of AA people with co-dependency issues. But we have to let go of other people.

"Letting go is not to care for, but to care about."

I always took care of my mom. I rescued her when she was lost. I spoke with her doctors and tried to solve her illness. I talked to her and tried to convince her to get treatment. But just like alcoholism, you can't go for other people. I had to let go and stop treating her like my child, and just care about her from a distance. Luckily, it didn't take a lot of time, but she did ask for help. And I was there to give it to her, on my terms, not to let her be dependent on me.

"Allow others to affect their destiny's."

You can't lead a horse to water, they say. Like letting go, you have to let people live their own lives. A nun I was speaking to said she used to teach at a Catholic university in the 60's when women were starting to get abortions. A priest said to her, "How can you work with these women? The church condemns abortion, yet you continue to support these women?" And she said, "It's not my choice to have an abortion. All I can do is make sure that whatever they decide, they are safe." You can't make others' choices for them. You have to let go.

"To let go is to fear less, and love more."

Co-dependent no more

Me: "I never get co-dependency. Don’t we all depend on others all the time? No man is an island, mon."

D: "Yeah, that’s healthy inter-dependency. Co-dependency is when you need other people to listen to you to make you feel right/good. Then, when they don’t, you feel bad."

Yeah, I get it now. Is that why I always have to ask people stuff before I make decisions? I'm not just indecisive, I'm codependent?

Wait! In my mania I am an incredible decision maker. I don't even think before I leap. In my normal state I am a careful planner, and in my depression I'm codependent. So what am I in my addiction? I suppose it leans towards the mania side, but I make dumber decisions.

At least I know one character trait, decision-making skills, that I can now separate out between my moods. I know who I really am - I'm a careful planner. I like spreadsheets. If I don't have a spreadsheet, I don't know what I'm doing. If I don't have a spreadsheet on it, I'm either a)manic and will never have a spreadsheet or b) depressed and not planning on doing anything.

Wow, that wasn't so painful.