Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Serenity is what I'm looking for. That acceptance of things as they are: living in the present and not the future. There are many things one can't change. You can't change the state of the world. You can't change the way the sun moves across the sky. You can't change other people or their reactions to situations. You can influence only yourself and your own reactions - sometimes you can't even control that.

Courage. God grant me the courage to get through every day and to surrender to this program with all my might.

Ah, the wisdom to know the difference. Again, control. It's time for me to give up control. Controlling my own life obviously wasn't working for me, now was it? So it's time to let something else have it.

The cowardly lion

I have courage. I've always been the kind of person to look before I leap (bad), but have the courage to face things that come my way with dignity, my head held high.

–noun; the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

Fear never seems to stand in my way once I make a decision to do something, or when things aren't going my way and I need to "fix" them. I've been through some hard times, and done so without fear. It's only after the fact that I experience that overwhelming sense of dread.

When I moved here, 3,000 miles away from home, I did so by simply packing up my car and driving. I didn't know anyone, but I had a job and a place to live. I made sure I was set up before I set out. I never thought it was brave until people started telling me so. But it was. I was able to start a new life without anything except my oriental carpet and some plants.

So now I face a new challenge in my life: I am going to go through this program, and I will do so like I face other things in my life; with courage. Courage doesn't mean you're not allowed to be afraid, but it means you move on anyway. So at this point when I'm feeling a little fearful of what these steps may hold, I can look inside myself and know that I have the power and the will to make it. I will continue, and I will survive.