A woman's home

I went to a great meeting tonight at a local women's recovery program house. It was full of sober women who were ready to share, and they read How It Works! I missed that. I met a group who really wants to get sober, and put themselves in there in order to give themselves the best shot at sobriety.

I also got a sponsor. Niki is younger than me but has 6 years of sobriety. She was the lead tonight, and really told my story. She was in boarding school, too, and had trouble with suspensions and expulsions. She had homelessness and institutions, she had parental problems and mental illness in her story. What she said really spoke to me.

We were outside with the other ladies talking, and she asked if I needed a sponsor. I said yes, I was looking to start over with step one with someone on this coast. She offered, and I accepted. She seems really sweet. She's in school, and doesn't work either, so I'm sure we'll have time to work on things.

I'm really looking forward to having a sponsor. I can't wait.

Women and frozen yogurt

I love being in the company of other sober women. Not that men don't get it, but at women's meetings we cry, we laugh, and we pass out hugs like it's nobody's business.

Tonight I went to one of my favorite meetings and spoke up: "It's not fun anymore," I said, and everyone laughed knowingly. "I'm feeling things and just want to hole up in my dark, cold apartment. I took an hour long shower before I got here, and just sat there with my head on my knees. I asked God for help, and he said, 'Hey, what time is it?' I told myself if I had 15 minutes then I would go to the meeting. I was hoping it was 6, but I got out of the shower and it was 5:45. Damn. So here I am, feeling my feelings, and relying on you ladies. I'm asking for help."

And you know what? I got it. I got a lot of, "Hang in there. It's hard - especially the first year." These women have all been where I am, and they know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And the best news is, I don't have to drink. I can go through this sober, and get a better understanding of myself. They also gave me permission to eat ice cream and be irritable, which I love.

So I went and got frozen yogurt - red velvet cake with chocolate chips and rainbow sprinkles - and sat in the window of the shop listening to King of the Hill and watching traffic roll by. The world is still moving on. Everything is going according to His plan. I just have to trust that it will get better.