Chaos rules the day

I gathered my strength and drove to the neighboring state for an interview today, and when I got back home my dad and my aunt had taken over my room. They moved all the furniture to the middle of the room and then painted. Everything is piled high, but luckily I had most of it in boxes in storage already.

"I want them to start in your room first," dad says. Which is good, because then they'll be out of my room first and I can re-arrange it the way I want. But they took down the curtain. So I'm sitting here exposed to the street. We're on the 6th floor, but it's pretty much at eye level with the hill in front of the apartment building. The building across the street was torn down, so I have a nice view of the office building two streets away. I bet the cleaning ladies don't care what I'm up to, but it's creepy to be so exposed. I don't even know where the curtains are, or I'd put them back up.

So I went to therapy. "My life is chaos. I want to cry. I think the meds are working, cause I'm not suicidal, but I sure as hell am depressed." And Julie gave me the speech: there are people worse off than you, you have a lot going for you, the universe is aligning to help you out, blah blah blah, go buy yourself flowers. So I did. Pretty, purple tulips.

I wandered the aisles of CVS for over an hour and bought all sorts of shit I didn't need, like new lipstick, and shit I did, like travel size contact cleaner. Then I went to the grocery store and bought 100-calorie packs of Oreos and some ice cream. I grabbed the flowers and, feeling a little better, walked home.

I get home and dad says, "Aren't you allergic to flowers? I am. Your mom is, too." No, actually, I'm cool. I can't stand the high perfumey ones, but tulips are fine. Then he tries to talk to me about moving stuff again, and how I need to put more stuff in boxes. So I ran away and took a nice hot shower. I even shaved my legs and then plucked my eyebrows. Self care. A little self-love.

And I still feel insane. I need to move out and be in control of my own life again!