A reversal

And I know why. I want to celebrate the fact that I'm depressed and lonely, jobless and miserable. A nice glass of wine sounds perfect right now, along with a cigarette. I wish that's what I could be doing. But I can't smoke. And I don't want to drink until my one year. Or maybe I'll drink when I get a job. I think drinking in celebration is fine.

"What?!" You say. "But you're sober! You're in AA! You can't drink!" Right. About that. I don't know if AA is the thing for me. I know, it's worked for millions of people, kept millions alive and out of trouble. I know I was having blackouts and nights of two or sometimes three bottles of wine alone. I know that's alcoholic behavior, right? Well, I'm guessing it's the meds that made me blackout, first off, but yeah, having 2 bottles of wine alone isn't cool.

I've never quit before, and I don't think alcohol is done with me. I've said this before. I know some people go out and then all of a sudden they get into trouble, but I'm not driving lately, or hanging out with anyone, so I'm good there. I'm not even going to make promises to myself like I will only have one, or not drink alone. I'm just going to be a responsible adult about it and hope that I can handle that. I'm going to hope that I'll only drink when I'm not driving, and I'll have the willpower to say no sometimes. I've learned you don't always have to drink.

I've learned a lot from being sober. I'm still going to see if I can make it a year. May 27. I think that's a good goal, but I'm over the whole AA thing. I'm done trying to make it work. As Adam likes to say, "It's not a hotbed of mental health." I don't need the crazy they've got. I'm cool without the Kool-Aid.

So is this goodbye? Hell no. I'm going to keep writing about everything, because these issues interest me. I'm going to write more about mental health, too, and continue to whine about my shitty life. And plus, we have till May for me to change my mind.