Intentions

I wish I could read people's minds sometimes, though some of the fun is figuring out people. "Don't overthink it," Adam always reminds me. But most of my overthinking is because of him. Most of the people I know say what they mean and act the same way. He's so... bipolar! He says, "I want to be friends. I'm not looking for anything right now but working on myself." And then he says, "I want to spend more alone time with you," and kisses me on the neck. He was petting my hair (I got a haircut) and I asked him if he liked it and he just said, "I like you."

So, here I am, overthinking it. Does he want to date? Is this what all the touching and kissing is about? What does he mean he wants to spend more time alone with me? We see each other about as much as normal friends see each other.... So I'm all up in my head, and trying not to be. I have to go with what he has explicitly said. Like the saying goes, when people show you who they are, believe them. And he's shown me he's just as confused as I am.

Jennifer thinks I should just ask him point blank: do you want to be with me? And if not I should stop talking to him. I don't think it's to that point. I think I'm confused over whether I would want to be with him. Sure, my body wants him, and I feel happy and comfortable around him, but there's a lot that worries me. He's kinda racist and pigheaded when he talks. I know he's not racist, but people who don't know him might get the wrong idea. And he acts and dresses like a young boy, not a 30 something. Which is fine, but bugs me sometimes.

I think if we ever did get back together we would need couples counseling. He's still mad at me for breaking up with him 6 years ago. We would have to talk some of that old stuff out, methinks.

It's raining.