Damnit I shopped

I just did it again. I bought something. Well, a few somethings. They were on sale! I got a cute sweater, a shell, and a t-shirt. They were all 30% off, so I don't feel too bad, but I'm unemployed and don't have money coming in except unemployment, which is damn slow. I finally got a check, and it was meager. I just spent a fourth of it, and I'm going to spend the rest on my tattoo.

For some reason tattoos don't count as shopping for me, but getting my eyebrows waxed does. I don't know the reasoning behind that, since tattoos are about $400 and eyebrows are around $30. But it's all going to keep Ann Taylor Loft in business instead. Jesus. I have got to stop. At least I didn't put it on my credit card.

I'm looking at shoes right now. I don't need any more shoes, really. I had two big boxes of shoes when I moved, and I can always find something in the right color. I need to just close the browser and walk away. There. Done.

Fear and sanity

Bread and butter

Here's a little story from CNN about the rally.

Afterwards, we all went to a great restaurant in the city, and I had a peanut butter and banana sandwich. My ex's mom used to call them Superman sandwiches. This sandwich definitely lived up to it's name.

I was with 3 other sober women, and we talked about all sorts of great stuff. On the way to the rally, I talked to Samantha about her take on AA. "As long as people follow the steps, I don't care what they do." I like her point. AA is about the steps, and using them in your life to improve it, not to gain power over others or get up on a soapbox. I think a lot of us have trouble following orders, but I'm going to have to start listening to my sponsor. No, I haven't traded her in yet. We haven't had time to talk, and I think she might actually end up being helpful. I'm going to bring up the medication thing and see if she balks at it.

Since I don't know where I'm going to live, I don't want to change sponsors again until I know if it will be too much of a pain to see her anymore. I'm kind of on hold with everything right now. I don't want to get a psychiatrist either, because I'm not sure what kind of health insurance I'll have, if I get a job soon. It's all if I get a job soon kind of stuff. And who the hell knows? I could have all these interviews and nothing to show for it.

God that scares me. What if I go through this whole process with 5 places and no one wants me? I hate rejection, and getting a job is really about if the people like you. It's a popularity contest, it really is. So I hope I displayed some good traits. One woman called me "poised and mature," so that's a good sign. Apparently I was on my game.

A little fun

The rally on the Mall today was amazing. People had the funniest signs and costumes! I didn't get to take pictures, but a friend of mine did and I'll try to post some good ones once I get my camera back.

It was a great day. We walked into the city because the metro lines were totally full. There was no way we were getting on to a train, but people cheered every time a new train came into the station. The crowd was incredible. Kind, allowing for personal space, and funny. We had a lot of fun cheers back where I was. We could hardly hear what was going on, so we kept chanting, "Louder!" People crack me up.

Didn't go to the Day of the Dead exhibit. My friends were both too tired after our 8 hour ordeal, and so I headed home to rest my feet. It's amazing how exhausting a rally can be! The exhibit goes on until the 9th, so I think I'll take Monday afternoon to head down there and check it out. But look! I've added fun to my life! And, I hung out with sober people!

I'm doing it again

So I'm planning again. I've been looking at apartments in the city, and they're expensive! If I'm living close to work (I've been looking around the places I'm interviewing) then it will all work out because I'll save on subway fares, but a lot of the ones I think I'll be able to afford are studios.

I've been trying to think how I can fit a one bedrooms' full of stuff into a studio. I think I can do it. I've got a wooden screen that could set off the bedroom area from the living room, and if I put a bed and dresser in the corner, I can hide it. I think I can fit it all in, really.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, as usual. I don't even have money coming in, and I wouldn't be able to get a place until I have a first or even second paycheck in. I'll be living here until at least December, and maybe that's not such a great time to move. It gets pretty cold here, and who knows if it will be snowing that time of the year. Moving in the snow would suck.

Sort of show tune therapy

Ok, it's kind of show tune therapy, but not really. You can't watch this without laughing, it's so cheesy. Did you know they had My Little Pony live? It's kind of incredible.

It's rally time!

I'm ready to go restore sanity/and or fear! Should be an interesting rally.

My therapist has given me an assignment to bring a little fun into my life, instead of just focusing on the job hunt and other stuff that stresses me out. She says I don't have enough fun. I used to have fun. I used to throw parties and hang out with friends, watch my show with the girls, go wine tasting. I used to have fun. It's hard here, with everyone watching babies or having their own stress.

Adam is crazy busy at work. He's got so much going on that I haven't seen him all week. I've reached out twice, but I think I'll let him come to me when he's ready. I, of course, had a paranoid feeling that he was avoiding me. There's a girl who likes him that he's hoping to pull away from, but I think really, with me, he is just busy.

I'm going to the Day of the Dead festival after, and I'm thinking of just leaving my credit card at home. I've got to save my money for the tattoo finishing. I can't keep spending money at the rate I've been going. I have been pretty good the last few weeks, spending most of my money at Safeway or Starbucks. I think that's pretty minimal! No new shoes or shirts.